theleventhday's

strangers to lovers

2012-02-12T23:43:00.001+08:00

Im a sucker for fresh oysters, mussels and lobster. Feasting day on a saturday such a convenient excuse. The herbal prawn soup is heavenly, i drank 4 bowls of it. Chiahow and I should never go for buffet cos we never eat as much food as the amount we paid for it. So much for not eating the entire day to save up some extra storage space in our stomach. Ultra #fail
I had an awesome advance celebration, still hate the fact of celebrating alone on the actual day. Aww ns sucks.

3 more months to our 2nd anniversary, time flies but love doesn't decrease, not even for the slightest bit.
Tribute our love to those girls that rejected him... cos without them, we won't be at where we are today. I love you.

xx

May peace be with you

2012-02-07T02:01:00.001+08:00

-

Hate how we need the leaving of my uncle to bring all of us back together. Because of a dispute many years ago, we lost contact with my auntie for a good 5 yrs. The illness my uncle was fighting against brought my auntie Susan back into our family. We all thought after removing a part of the damage lung, things will take a turn for the better. But life, being what it is, took him away. Friday morning 2am, I reached the hospital with a heavy heart. Everyone knew he is leaving, even the most insignificant security guard. He let us up after reading through a note faxed over to his desk. Clearly, my uncle had been moved into the "soon-to-be-departed" room.

The first sight I was greeted by was my uncle holding onto the respiration device, gasping for air. His agony was all shown on his face. His heart rate moves in an irregular motion, sometimes high, sometimes low; abnormality. My auntie was at his bedside coaxing him to sleep. My cousin stationed by his bed had already started tearing. We were all staring at the heart rate measurement afraid to see what we fear of the most. His eyes were red as his blood vessels were damaged even the slightest touch on his skin could cause him to bleed profusely. I could see his effort, effort in trying to prolong his life to see his heartless siblings for the last time. His eyes were glued onto the heart rate machine sharing the same sentiment as us. He told my cousin he needs to listen to music before he could fall asleep. That was his last request.

The day of cremation was the worst. I'm not brave enough to stand by my auntie when she is giving her last word to her husband. She said "ah Joe(Joseph in short) you have to embark the future route on your own, I'm no longer there with you. Don't be afraid even when the road is dark. Remember to jump off the fire when you are in the furnace. I will take care of myself". (translate from Cantonese) and she broke down shortly after giving her last word. They have no children and we are what they have. We sang the goodbye song, pay our last respect by placing roses beside his body, witness the coffin being pushed into the furnace and all of us bid our last farewell to our dear uncle Joseph.

Uncle Joseph, you are fondly rememebered for your ever loving attitude towards your loved ones. You brought to us many years of happiness, gatherings were made much less formal with you around. Despite auntie Susan's absence for the 5 years, you joined every single gathering still and we have not missed you out even for a year. I love the songs you sang tho I don't understand Cantonese and I kept the videos of you singing on CNY day 1. Entrust auntie Susan to our care, she will never be alone. May you be blessed with happiness and less sufferings at wherever you are now. You will definitely be blessed cos you are the kindest man. Goodbye and we all love you.

2012 the yr of the dragon

2012-01-27T00:50:00.001+08:00

Happy CNY!

Think chinese new year is getting lousier as years go by, we no longer value this occasion as much compared to our childhood years. People move on to their future and some are still stucked in their past.

Since young, my new year were packed with activities that I don't even have the time to bother about what's next on the line cos at the end of the day, we were all sleep deprieved. Gone were the days where we stay up the whole night doing nothing but just teasing one another, create silly games and gossip about my family members. I have always Been that kind of girl that don't move out of the shadow of her past, I dwell over how perfect things were previously(before the painful loss of my grandmother and cousin)
The journey back to my grandmother's house was exceptionally heart wrenching. Seeing how the outlook of the house has changed, new rooms constructed, unfamiliar faces emerging, worn out jade color tiles, cars parked outside the landed property >1. Even the neighbor house population is twice of ours. It wasn't like this 5 years ago. The cars outside the house can easily defeat the neighbor one by at least 3 times. Lunch/dinner has to be separated into 2 grps as we have too many people and the wooden rounded table can't hold that much. I spent more than half of my life growing up there, so familiar with every single furniture or ornaments in the house. I return "home" that day, not knowing where am I, I wanna leave the moment I'm there cos the place did not bring warmth to my heart. I no longer see her shadow lingering around the place where she used to sit at. Her ever loving greetings can never be found. To me, it is just a piece of unused land, a piece of land where I used to seek shelter from. My mum grew up from there so did all my aunts, a part of me too, grew up from there. My "home" raised me up my grandma is the greatest woman on earth. She raised her 7 children single handedly cos my grandpa left at a young age. Im proud of her and how she managed to survive till almost a century.

My cousin's left as a shock to all of us, never knew losing two close ones in a span of less than a year can be that painful. I hate funerals how we see people breaking down and the fear of losing the people you love just gets stronger and stronger. I prefer everyone to toast happily to one another than to see how everyone smile so grimly and yet trying to act tough.

Argh hate hate hate this sudden surge of emotion.

Everything aside this year's new year sucks but still I love my family. Don't understand how people still choose not to cherish. K continue to not express your love to your family lor we are all dying soon. So die as a lonely soul.
If I really have a new year resolution, not gonna set those superficial kind like I want to be happy forever blah blah. My new year resolution is to learn how to cherish and to carry out by cherishing people around me esp my family. Yay let's grow the fuck up kids.

xx

for a change

2012-01-20T02:27:00.000+08:00

I'm hoping that I can do this to my hair as well. Pink/red streaks.

-

2012-01-17T00:52:00.000+08:00

what is love made of? Selflessness is what love is all about. In the long run, we are bound to reach the point where none of us is willing to take that extra mile. Is all about sacrifice, about making love in whichever condition you are given and to breathe words of affection to the other party. We should never plan the future route together cos certainty will tear love apart. You should never be assure that "we are gonna last forever", they are words that are not guaranteed. Quotes say, "never love wholeheartedly cos eventually you will end up hurting yourself deeper", without giving love unconditionally and wholeheartedly is call infatuation/puppy love. Love can never be underestimated.

The sun that never set

2012-01-07T00:26:00.001+08:00

Am I the only one feeling so hyped up for CNY. I have always been that girl that loves this festival more than anything else cos is a occasion where we get closer to our distant families. I mean adults can get annoying at times during such gathering platform but it's all the gossips and bitching about your aunts that spice up your CNY. No? Anyhow I'm not done with all my clothes shopping cos I've been really tied down by work. We are 7 days into 2012 and if myths are real, we are 7 days closer to end of the world. That brings me back to how harsh reality can be and that life is nothing but fragile. Okay picture updates:

1st 2012

2012-01-01T23:59:00.001+08:00

Hi 2012. 2011 wasnt a kind year for me. I lost, gained, cried, depressed and get over too much. I hope 2012 will be better for me. New year resolution just gna be a old fashioned tradition but I'm still jotting down one and that is to live alive, be grateful and to love everyone I have by my side now. I'm not going to lose anyone this year. Hi guys, a fresh 12 mths. Let's go!

Blogging from phone.

2011-12-26T23:57:00.001+08:00

Hi peopleeee okay I just found the blogger app for iPhone! And here i am blogging from my phone and lying on the bed! Hehe anw since I'm able to blog at my own comfort I shall do a fast update of the recent happenings! So a belated merry chirstmas to everyone! I spent mine at zirca with my
bf and his friends. is unexpectedly fun considering the fact that I don't really know his friends well. Oh wells Guess that's what alcohol does to you! That night was all ABT counting down to christmas, the bf and his friends downing 1 bottle of alcohol within 30 mins? Damn wtf. Haha and me being the usual loser trying to Urhm not get drunk. Not forgetting us squeezing all the way to the first row and the guys together with some other random guys doing head banging( even more wtf) but really entertaining. Lastly, we stepped up to the podium. Can't believe that night guys are ruling the podiums and cage stage. A gay even danced and squeezed two girls out of the stage lol. All in all everything is good so far. Work is draining me every second cos I hate standing. Pulled a long face on chirstmas yesterday cos im lacking of sleep and who da fuck works on a chirstmas?!!! I love doing changing room btw! Cos it keeps me busy and time flies! I'm gna watch some dramas and sleep late tonight. Oops I managed to upload pics with my phone! Omg iPhone is so damn convenient. All my apps gone cos I updated my OS. K I am done bye I'm gone.

Ps. If I can blog from my phone I guess I shld update it more often! ^^

Shadow ghost

2011-12-12T02:13:00.001+08:00

Some of the greatest love in life,

***

And some of the handmade, non living things yet hold a zillion values:

This year I've strained some relationships, foster new ones and found back some of my old good friends. I promise to keep all of them in my life no matter what cost i am in for.

fending alone against the huge stir of emotions

2011-12-12T01:24:00.002+08:00

hi people.

I am back from the deep hole of depression and still alive and kicking. This is how i function isnt it? I get sad, spend my whole night crying, refusing to seek help from anyone anymore, fucking my own life, run away from reality, shut myself down from any possibility of recovery and bam back to the route of picking myself up once again. Smelling bad omens approaching but i don't think i have any more strength to retaliate and will just allow myself to fall back into the evil cluthes of depression. i am useless like this.

When i say i can't wait for this year to end is actually a form of expressing how much loss and grieve this year has brought to me. Also another way of instilling the thought that next year wld bring about a better life. You can say that i am naively pinning hope on another losing bet cos nothing will change if my situation doesn't change.

Some true friends care abt how im feeling every now and then. They text me, call me, whatsapp me and tweet me. They didn't give up on me but im actually giving up on myself. the uncertainty of what tomorrow is gna be and how much im afraid that problems just kept piling up so much so that, i can't deal with them anymore. Everybody thinks that they are going through the worst but seriously, look around you and you will know that everyone is suffering from their own problems too. I too shall not be selfish and drop the thought that i am in this mess all alone.

hey, are you okay?
yea im fine!!!! (: (that smile is a consolidation of heartaches and tears but who sees it?)

*
If one day he has decided to give up on me, that will be the day I really lose every single thing in my world.

2011-11-22T20:26:00.000+08:00

Losing colors in my life.

2011-11-16T23:46:00.000+08:00

if only things were easier then...

living under this mental torture is suffocating me. what is wrong with this year? nothing seems to be going the way i want it to be. The festive period is round the corner and also my birthday. I love December cos is the best mth of the year with the fresh thought of being able to restart a whole new year on the 31st Dec. You know what? Forget about including this clause "staying happy/postive" in our resolution cos it will never be fulfilled. we humans are greedy cos when we get what we want we will tend to ask for more. Contentment is only a word placed in the dictionary and people use it to beautify their inner soul, none of us can really do that. None.
When i was younger, happiness is all about getting a star or excellent chop beside my "pets worksheet", spelling or mental sums. As age starts multiplying, i demanded more. Retail therapy immediately brightens up your day, the initial dating stage with your partner injects more blissful feelings into your emotions and having a closer bond with your family can pull you through all your downs. As i demanded more, problems surfaced.
spending too much money will eventually cause me to be penniless at the end of the month. having a permanent partner quarrels are inevitable. Every single quarrel feels like the end of your relationship cos you never know if either party is willing to put in the extra effort to pull through this crisis. Family breaks apart.
nothing lasts in this world and even if it did, things change; for change is the only constant, we can't do much. Once we reach our 30s health will be another issue. Not only so, at this age we will start to worry about straying partners, financial stability, children well-being, family's bonding, work pressure and etc

Yea i may be thinking too much but we cant deny that we will be facing all these problems in time to come.

Crossing my fingers and pray that i won't screw up year 2012...

tad

2011-10-26T20:33:00.000+08:00

insane work for 2 going to 3 whole weeks. So gna take leave next week i need some alone time man.

People go for cheap stuff and when they hear "Grohe Sales" naturally the response will be overwhelming. I am wasting so much time working that I don't even have time for chiahow and friends. Don't even feel like stepping out of house anymore after work. That is how drained i am.
Friday is the boy's bday and nope this year no elaborated celebration cos we have no time for each other. Just a simple dinner at night will suffice. Oh man.... I got to get a dress for chia's sister wedding on the 11th. Sorry for being totally random and abrupt in ending this post this is just to prove how capable work can do to my brain. totally mind-fucked. urghhhh need a foot reflexology and full body massage RIGHT NOW. Bye

one of a million

2011-10-16T23:48:00.000+08:00

And so... there goes my boy's one week block leave as well as my leave entitlement for the year. Not like i care cos for the next two weeks I am gna slog my weekends and ph off which assures me that i have another additional 5 days to claim back! before i leave this company.

Started the week of freedom with the boy sending me to work on Monday and caused me to be 30 mins late for work. In compensation, he drove Jasmine another of my colleagues and I out for lunch. Ended the day with serious work out session over at my neighbourhood. Badminton+5 jumping jacks for per missed ball is no joke. That reminds me that my precious girl and I have fixed an exercise day on every sunday. That shall commence after my two long weeks of grand sales. Urgh such a burden!

Tuesday saw me sitting nervously in the office wondering if i shld make my way down to chiahow's platoon chalet. Okay.... that was such an awkward decision. Would love to meet his new friends cos urhm very sad to say this i am developing strong hatred towards his other grp of friend. oops #just saying. You know I gave up trying to mend back his r/s with them cos i finally realise the real prob no longer lies with ch but with that "him". Yup so I can't be bothered and i have been telling the boy to cherish ONLY his army friends for they are so much more worthy than his other "friends" of cos in exception of some. That night was a fruitful night being able to know what kind of people he had been living with for the past 4 mths. I wanna play BEERPONG again!!! hahahahahaha company's best shot gf is also a best shot k!

Wednesday was just a simple date started off with my stomach feeling so queasy and whatever is in there just kept churning.

Thurs and fri pics are all up there and on fb! Love how the last pic's effect turns out. Is the mist/vapor on the camera lens!!! Batam was such a nightmare. Maybe it isn't really batam's fault high possibility could be the beer consumption and bbq intake on tues. I would like to think it as batam being the real culprit. The resort is a good place for retreat BUT THE CLEANLINESS IS ....... Flies and mozzies everywhere cos the resort is filled with trees/plants and whatever it is called. Even the pool from the pics it looks vast like an ocean(exaggerating) clean but we dipped it for less than 10mins and left the water. Bodies of flies are floating in the water and branches are falling all around. That is the thing about living in such "green" resort. For a moment, we thought that we are living in a ghost town. Everywhere we go after our shower at around 7 batam time (an hr later than singapore) the whole resort IS EMPTY. So we thought we can go over the restaurant for dinner and maybe we get to see some human beings. To our horror, we are the only customers there and one waiter. Can't emphasize on how creepy the resort feels like. Worst still, we got to climb a series of rock stairs to our room and that is why I DREAD stepping out of our room. The only motivation for me to take a cab to the town area is for the momogi(hehe Jasmine!) I went searching high and low for it k but too bad no boxes. It is the best indo tidbit and people in my office are all addicted to it. Communication with the locals are difficult cos they can hardly speak a proper sentence of English. Friday morning the grasp i felt on my appendices got more intense after my breakfast. We took an early ferry back to Singapore and till now i am still nursing the pain. Missing out on work for almost a week and I bet when I return on tues I will get so disorientated. Sigh whatever just got to pull through this month and the next.

December I pray every night for your arrival.

Hope the boy gna do well in his new unit! NO OCS NO SCS BUT YOU ARE A POLICE INSPECTOR!! Can continue to haolian k. Get company's best shot again k and maintain your gold in ippt! wah love you so much.

K i realise how gross i am now. my stomach is hurting like a biatch again so im off. bye

17 weeks.

2011-10-08T22:06:00.000+08:00

Hi people.

8 October has arrived... finally! I know it doesn't signify the end of Chiahow's NS man life but this is the only day, I can see him far away on the spectator seat, cheer for him, smile when i see familiarity of parade form up, and applause for the guys. Hearing them singing aloud along with the songs, march across the parade with pride and throw their caps high up all shouting at their top of their lungs "POP LO", that immediate goosebumps i felt; smth i can't simply put into words. I am so proud of him being able to march overnight(didn't complete 24km due to the weather) and standing under the hot sun. Graduating on the floating platform with all the infrastructures overlooking them, brings it a way higher level of honor to their ceremony.
7th June seems so faraway now. Slowly, we both got through the changes in our routine every weekend is much more precious to us than for others. I recalled how i was so afraid that he couldn't make any friend in camp as he was such an introvert before army. Things have changed, I am so glad that he made a few good friends during the BMT stage. He worked so hard to earn himself early book outs. He got the "company's best shot" title followed by silver in ippt and lastly, he made it to Gold. You got no idea how much i am so proud of you baby! I hope you can get into sergeant school together with your platoon mates and make me proud once again. Every single training is tough but hey when you look back now, you will feel this sense of accomplishment that you have never ever ever felt before. You can tell people now that you graduated from Tekong, been through field camp, threw grenade, marched 24km and POP on the Marina Bay Floating Platform! HEHEHE HIP HIP HURRAY FOR CHOOCHIAHOW!!!! P.s stop quarreling with me when you are in camp. Much prefer face to face. Thx ^^

I am still living in disbelief that his platoon mates cried halfway through the parade....... hahahaha

In high spirits this week and next week cos we gonna stick tgr every single second. Oh and currently i am putting this song "every singaporean son" from youtube on repeat mode now. Heard this song during the parade today and is fucking touching esp this line "And every single breath he takes, comes a bond which cannot break". Such a meaningful line.

I need to start being normal too many people in office been commenting that i am too crazy to handle. Seriously. Suffering from severe split personality. I do remb someone used that to describe me before. I can be crying the previous nights and once the day started, i acted MUCH differently. Perhaps that is the reason why people take me for who i am in the day but not who i am when night falls.

xoxo

Our love will find you home

2011-09-25T23:11:00.000+08:00

Hi blog.

September hasnt been treating me well enough and i cant wait for october's invasion. Every month i face the same ups and downs. Life isn't a bed of roses we all know, we just got to make the best out of whatever crisis that has befallen on us.

Just a brief summary on what is ongoing. I always feel that we should blog or at least have a diary to keep track on our happenings just in case, we get senile when we grow older. The blog/diary can be a reference to help us refresh our memories. Enrolling in school next week and if everything turns up well, school shall commence next year January. I want to get my degree as fast as possible and start off with work. Not forgetting to mention that my current job is very much under paying me but i am still gna continue till nov. Work life sucks and is true when people say that it sucks to grow older. You have more responsibilities to bear, you have to keep improving yourself to keep up with the society and fighting for higher placement in the industry will become harder as fresher graduates start joining into the competition or when the market trends start to change. Only belief that i hold on to now is, "never fight a losing battle".

Okay other than school that is making me all nervous, the one week long break i get to spend with the boy is smth that i have been looking forward to. Nothing beats being able to see him everyday for the whole week and just cuddle in bed next to him. Hehe. Sad to say bangkok trip will be planned next year cos we do not want to pay the extra peak period surcharge that is crazily overpriced. Got the vouchers alr just have to set the exact date to fly off ~
Second half of the year is ALWAYS better. Anyone love december as much as i do? My birthday, Christmas, New year eve every joyous occasions fall within this mth! Can't. wait for this year to end. Countdown: 2 more mths. Oh and chinese new year! My fav occasion of the year. Soon soon life will get better..... ^^

HI CHINA

2011-09-01T20:13:00.001+08:00

Hi everyone I am back from China. Firstly, i make it a point to apologise for stereotyping China as a place that teenagers like us won't even thought of taking a step in. China has went through a lot of makeover or maybe only Shanghai I am absolutely in love with Suzhou as well. The breathtaking scenery of Shanghai's skyline and Suzhou's greenery, I don't mind retreating to China after I am in my 70s.
So strictly business trip might not be an ideal way to explore Shanghai but what else can I ask for with a mixture of Jap, German, Brazillian and international cuisine during my stay with our business partner, top notch accommodation and all expenses (excluding own shopping) all paid by either company or our business partner. We had our own hotel room and honestly, living alone really enhance the i-am-out-of-Singapore mood. Starting to enjoy the state of solitary.

We were all being fed with good food everyday to such extent that we were all so sick of eating. All three meals were well taken care of and traveling around with free transportation really did contribute to the amount of fats in my body now. Everyday we are living in a rush. From one factory to the other took up around 2 hours of traveling time and thus time spent in the factories are minimal, we got to rush over to the next and the whole cycle follow itself for the next day. Not to mention that we almost missed our domestic flight to shanghai from guangzhou much thx to the inefficiency of the Baiyun Aiport. We ran like nobody's business across the airport and dashed up to our plane. The last day is laggy worse. We got only 2 hours or so to shop and had to rush off to the airport for our flight back to Sg. We took a cab out from our hotel which isn't very far from all the popular streets; perfect location. Grabbed whatever we got sight of immediately and ran across the street for more shopping. As soon as we know, time is up and we need to get our ass back to our hotel where the bus will be waiting for us there. My two colleagues and I each carrying 5 - 6 BIG BAGS ran ACROSS THE STREET AGAIN to hail the taxi. Omg unbelievable trip.

Within the span of three days I took three different airlines, all out rooting for SIA'S business to flourish. How sad that for both our SQ flights, most of the seats are vacant.

i love my rooms esp the Shanghai one. I have grown so attached to it that my phone and camera are spammed with pics taken in the room instd of the streets that I went to during our free and easy time at night.
My camera's batt just had to die on me during the second day of my trip and hence most of the pics are in my phone/my colleague's olympus EP3. (so gonna get this camera, fucking good and in my opinion RULE DSLR)

Love how harmonious my colleagues and I lived in during the trip. Everyone is in high spirit during the trip and dreading work once we touched down in SG. All in all this trip is worth my time and i don't mind sacrificing my days with Chiahow and my ph just to at least take a glance of Shanghai's skyline.

This is a detailed post and more photos are in my phone, will get it uploaded when I have the time.

Let the rain flow.

2011-08-23T23:12:00.001+08:00

Last weekend was a blast with the company of my poly clique as well as my bf! Visuals are on fb and am really lazy to upload it on this blog. Just a quick update!

Jasmine has officially started work last week and I got to emphasize again on how happy I am with her addition to the otherwise boring work environment. We can rant to each other about our colleagues(which is what we are doing now lol) and have lunch tgr! Yay love/hate work now.
I dont know why but everyday I just don't seem to have enough rest. Everyday pass by so fast and when I finally realise that I have a lot not done, it is alr the end of the week. Is this suppose to be a good thing? I am sleeping at latest 11pm every weekday and that involves killing my own social circle. I dread meeting up with friends after work cos I feel so tired and I. need. more. rest to prepare for the next working day. Alright... not saying that i hate my friends or whatsoever but working is draining me. So so so drained.
At the same time I need to meet my friends too cos they got the ability to cheer me up and i love chilling meet ups with all my closest friends. No awkwardness involve just us, somewhere comfortable, our endless topics and we are good to go. #Mega love.

I hate this period of time; end of the mth, start of menses cycle. I can get so emotional to such extend that I can cry for no reason, emo during long bus rides, sleep with tears on my face. Like seriously? There is nothing to be upset/depress abt, I am just not myself.

It is in my bones to be emotional I can't change this fact. Getting better cos chiahow is suffering less of my mood swings and I actually choose to confide in no one except for myself. Does anyone feel the same way as I do? Some things, no matter how hard you try to explain to an outsider, they won't understand. Eventually, you got to handle this yrself.
Angsty girl will be in action again hahaha cos I don't get to eat my cp's mhk. I demand for it.

Oops way past 11 I shall go wash my dishes and get some sleep. Wednesday = meeting = fuck up.
Goodnight.

Turbulence

2011-08-15T19:54:00.000+08:00

Hi people.

Just a quick update of the ongoing things for August.
The boy is going to field camp REAL soon and say bye cos he will be stucked there for whole 6 days...
China trip as what i have been complaining constantly on my twitter. Okay sucking it up... not many people have this opportunity to go on a oversea trip and fully sponsored by company. My main concern is still the toilet, heard that the toilets are quite gross there? SIGH I can't believe i am going there the China accent oh godzzz kill me. Yes next up the list, the cleanliness of the country? My bro told me that I should not drink the water provided in the hotel cos it is contaminated. I got so much to complain but yet at the same time, I am anticipating this "business trip". Honestly irritated by the locals' voice and accent..
It is alr the third week of the month! Can't wait for Sep's arrival which left me with just 1 more mth to the boy's pop! Actually, it really doesnt make much of a diff now since, the next 1 yr and 8 more mths I will be repeating the same weekend meet up routine. The good thing is, I am taking everything in stride now cos no point hovering around the past where we stick to each other everyday; things eventually have to change.
I am coping better with work too! I should just stop thinking that I am still a student. Need to stop hiding under the nicely sheltered umbrella that school provides and learn that being an OL is what I will be in the next 20 years.

Tadahhhh there goes my updates! Life is awesome this August so far the best for 2011. Please please please let this persist on till the end of 2011.

xx

Stand fast.

2011-08-09T00:29:00.000+08:00

The difference between with and without make up: my eyes size varies. Sucks to have small eyes really envy girls that have thick double eyelids and oh my fucking god long lashes and big oval-ish round eyes and when they smile, the eye shape will form up to a nice uniform curve.Urgh life is unfair. ):
Whatever is wrong with me, I have just lost the interest to continue this post. I am heading to bed and meet my chiachia for breakfast tmr morning.
GOODNIGHT.

Game.

2011-07-25T20:08:00.000+08:00

I could only recall how reflective of my life is that set of dream, and that it kept reappearing over and over again in my head. As the chinese saying goes, what you brood over in the day would come true at night. It had been ages since I last gave that thought a chance to invade my mind, I thought I could hold it... Clear enough, nothing has left and I am back to where I first begin. Tired of trying i've said that countless times, I wanna free myself from being such a negative person for the whole of my life. Totally clueless at which part should I start clearing my mess. The problem lies with me and whatever insecurities I have about EVERYTHING. How do I even start to try again...........................

Okay. Life is still a bed of roses exclude the above! This week I am calling off most of my after work activities cos I am too sick of going out. Still be meeting some of my closest friends for some heart to heart and gossip session though. The past two months had taught me how impt my friends are to me cos being empty without my lover, doesn't make me a loner anymore with them around. (*big hugs to them they know who they are)
Work is getting better and I actually felt fortunate being able to attend this product training last week! Ikr so not me but that session educates me a hell damn lot. I was telling chiahow how inspirational that training is... Go goggle Grohe k! They have the most brilliant business strategies that still leaves me in awe. Especially their zero, seven degree and lozenge theory. Their team of designers are ........ AWESOME. The fact that whatever strategies they launched are supported by numerous statistically and scientific proven researches, shows how they manage to brand their products as the most premium brand. Doing research isn't an easy feat I personally went through it, and their research is what I call EXTENSIVE and filled with SUBTANCE. Omg i can just go on and on about it. Yup I guess I can stay in this company till my school starts next year! August going to be a good month having two public holidays and the boy being able to book out for a long weekend on the first week of the mth! I am still counting down to the day Chiahow POP. He has not disappoint me so far and two months of self declared independence is coming to an end this week! Two more fucking months and we get to go on our getaway! Looking forward!

Much Love.

You can't always be like this.

2011-07-13T22:35:00.000+08:00

Some proper updates now cos i realise how much I have been missing out on this. The whole purpose of having a blog is to capture down everything be it good or bad.

This whole week is pretty much a repetition of last week. Meeting up with my longest friends, singing session, work and more work. Work is a ney boring thing but what matters most is who and what ends my disastrous day. I apologise for the lack of pictures included in each of my post because i haven't been bringing my cam out ever since I got my Iphone. Don't even mention abt my cam. Sigh.... is..... the...... okay.... not too bad camera just not to my liking la. So yup photos are in my phone and I dread plugging in the usb to my laptop and transferring the photos. Considering to get a G12 canon camera, almost similar to dslr but definitely more PORTABLE and not as fabulous as dslr.

Tmr will be having a company function again. Just another socialising platform where I have to be there and show face. So sick of doing this zzzzzz. I am like a kid trying to fit into the adult world. But SOME of my colleagues are really damn nice to me!!!! Tmr i will be learning new things again. My brain capacity is getting smaller each day. Have to bring this up, I don't understand why some big companies like WINGTAI they have the money but don't wish to pay us on time? Got yelled at almost everyday by these debtors but i am just claiming back what is rightfully ours right? Aiya... fuck up... Need to sleep early tonight cos tmr i will be learning A LOT of new things. Like finally my computer is configured and I can get my task done. Feeling the sense of urgency and ya responsibility. wtf so not me.

That is about all and I need to sleep badly because besides the company function after work tmr, I am meeting up with yf and clique for our queen's bday celebration. So yup goodnight!!

I love my job. No

2011-07-10T11:35:00.000+08:00

In a real dilemma last night to decide on what I truly like or don't really resist about my work. It came down to this point that I don't even know where do I belong. I mean my colleagues are generally nice if you are talking about outside office hours, but during work I don't see the "aura of kindness" being emitted by them. Everyone is busy in their own way and taking an extra effort to help out is a purely waste of their precious time. I fear asking cos I find myself a nuisance however, if I choose to ignore I will never get anything out of it? The intensity in the office is something that you need to be there and witness not one that I can describe easily with words. It kept me thinking, do i really want to be stuck in a 9-6 schedule working under others for my entire life? Just Friday the new accountant girl that came 3 days later than me broke down in the toilet. I was there with her, listening to every unsatisfactory she has about her work. I feel for her I really hope that she can stop knocking off from work at 9pm and drop her thought about coming back to work on a Saturday.
That is how work has totally invaded my life. I need money and am a fresh grad so I shouldn't complain much. There is definitely a need to exclaim how much I miss school now. Next year I will be back to school, it serves as an excuse for me to at least exit from work field till 3 years from then. No family burden yet so take it easy. (self consoling time, haha)

Done with work. Haha I am like checking this off the list on what to blog today kind of thing. Next up is uhm okay about how I felt when chiahow disappeared at the midst of our quarrel last week. It got me stay up whole night just to wait for his call. Sigh relationship why you so hard to maintain? I envy old folks that can put up with their partners and last long with them till ripe old age. Okay..... dont wanna continue so so so depressing thinking about that eventful night.

Only entitled to half weekend with that asshole this week. (still angry about the confinement thing k) I know he will be reading this IN CAMP purposely wanna show him one. I dont care lor next weekend you plan the itinerary, your punishment for screwing this week's. I am going to watch drama, drink milo again, shake leg and take afternoon nap. Stupid boy enjoy your confinement and guard duty!!! hmmpffff. love you still la hehe.

2011-07-07T20:03:00.000+08:00

Never go to bed with a heavy heart cos you won't know what you will wake up to the next morning.

2011-07-06T20:05:00.000+08:00

" Wanting to stay alone doesn't mean make you an outcast but a selfish person. You set your mind to isolate yourself because you know ultimately, no one in this world is worth for you to depend on and there is no point to try so hard in search for that special "someone" when all it boils down to is endless pit of disappointment."

Seperation was never meant to hurt this way.

2011-07-03T23:32:00.000+08:00

The past few days was the happiest and most blissful moments of my life. In fact, every single day before the boy enlists I was entitled to such privallages, true that you won't learn to cherish if you have yet to lose it.
Town - Toa Payoh - Chinatown - Bugis (Caught Ladaland with my eyes half opened) - Marina Barrage(Fireworks + Black pepper Chicken and Sushi = (Y)) - Selegie Beancurd - Beach Road - Suntec City - Vivo - City Plaza (got to love the mhk more now) - Parkway - Home.
Three days of fun filled love. Hard to come by with long weekend and I specially took leave tmr to accompany the boy before he books in. I should learn to be contented with what I am given to now. Got to try even harder to feel less depressed over work and whats not. Slightly relief that we are more than halfway through 2011 and the anticipation for a new years had never felt this strong before. Mentioned this for the nTH time that I want this year to be over as soon as it came. Foreseen myself counting down at the top of my lung on 1st Jan 2012 12am. I guarantee that I will be the loudest.

No one knows how much i want everything to be over. including this life.

Fisherman life.

2011-06-18T23:09:00.000+08:00

Hi Sexy boy.

okay it's about time to not feel like the world is ending and start embracing whatever is given to me now. Guess god is giving me this opportunity to learn how to cherish, that is why they started to collect back those happy moments that I had and decided to put me through this test.

After a month of being jobless and the sudden change in my usual lifestyle, I am back to my 9-6 schedule once again. Ensuring myself to be in bed by 12 and waking up at 7 in the morning for work. I am drifting away from my social network and losing the touch of socialising. It only shows how not bothered I am in meeting new people by choosing to dine alone during lunch and refuse to go for the Friday- after- work- movie with the colleagues. I see no point in pushing myself in to their world and acting like i am so concerned with the company culture. Is just me, they are considered friendly and every other new comers can clique so well with them, just not me. I don't love what I am doing now but for the sake of money I will press on. Weekends are what I am looking forward to cos aside from being able to see the boy, it also gives me a short break away from work and earning ample time for myself. Much needed i would say and as of what I've mentioned on my twitter, meeting up with my friends is the only way to keep my last bit of sanity. I need people that make me feel like we belong to the same world those "colleagues" of mine are just not my type of people and building a bridge of friendship is therefore as hard as we can all imagine. Just saying maybe after a month of working I might build up positive relationship with them. This is life, who can decipher?

Building lifelong fire.

2011-06-07T23:06:00.000+08:00

Nothing more to say. It has come to this point that idk how should I feel about losing someone who is with me on a daily basis. He is on the bed now. We spoke less than 5 mins, not to blame him I understand that he went through a long day. I am too sad beyond words. Unexpectedly, the route home is unusually quiet and lonely today. I should isolate myself till I absorb the fact that the lost is only temporary.. (Cross fingers)

Till then.

The loudest Silence.

2011-06-04T02:27:00.000+08:00

Doing some visual room built up in my mind over and over again!!! There are many restrictions due to the size of my room. Wanted so much to change to a queen size bed, unfortunately, a single bed is the most my room can hold up to. I will never get to experience the feeling of endless rolling on my bed. Of course being jobless sucks too much to be true and though demoralised, I am trying my best to hunt for a HR job. As usual the typically known message my mum always never fail to put across "find a job that is related to what you are studying in poly", had been conveyed and no seriously, not giving a damn about it. I blogged yesterday cos I was so sad and didn't want to worry Chiahow so I chose to confide in to my blog. He had withstand quite enough of my break down session over at his crib couple of days back.

Yup. Back to the old depressing me. Don't remind me how happy I was a month back cos my only lifebuoy is leaving to serve the nation. No one to turn to when I am feeling down anymore. Not emotional, just speaking from the bottom of my heart. I will love him all the same.

There is no medicine like hope, no incentive so great, and no tonic so powerful as expectation of something better tomorrow.

- Orison Swett Marden

Just a Kiss

2011-05-30T22:45:00.001+08:00

Hating life again. Ya ya not again I don't even know what do I want to achieve in life. This is a tough week having to battle with the negativity that constantly fill up my mind every single sec. I want to get over this then again, I want time to stop at just this min. Because Chiahow is going in NS in 8 days time. This year gonna be a tough year and how ironic cos all along I thought eleven was my lucky number. Storing dramas and stocking up books to occupy myself when Chia is not with me. I can just go on whining but some people just don't understand how it feels like to be losing someone that has been with me 3/4 of my life. I am not totally losing him but seeing him 3 days out of a seven days week isn't fair. Fairness is about I get to see him 3.5 days a week k. Haha I am such a joke. I bet I will spam my twitter timeline cos I can't spam his phone. Whenever I feel the urge to bitch about someone I will text him and go on and on about what he/she did. My phone has never been out of my sight for more than an hr(that is if i am not busy) so that I can complain about how my day went to Chiahow. I can curse about everything around me, about missing my bus, not able to fulfill my cravings during lunchtime, nasty colleagues, annoying human beings stepping on my shoe/cutting my queue/diao-ing me. I am a nuisance la but Chiahow NEVER GETS ANNOYED BY ME! Never k. My phone is my life, okay no chiahow is my life..
I can't remb how my life went before chiahow came in. Today I had an interview in the morning and being a noob in directions and an Iphone owner I can't read maps so Chiahow OFFERED to fetch me to interview despite having large possibility of getting into trouble from his auntie and uncle cos he stole the car out without asking for permission and SNEAKED OUT OF WORK FOR 2 FUCKING HOURS. The whole world is looking for him! How awesome is he? And and and, when we reached his workplace I need to buy pad(okay shut up) he drove me out to buy and even brought me to a cleaner toilet cos I asked for it.
When I typed all these out, I don't expect people to go "wah you are so lucky blah blah", this is not to show how fortunate I am to have him(which I really am) this is to show WHAT A LOSER I AM AND HOW MUCH I NEED HIM IN MY LIFE. Some girls can live without their bf cos their life don't revolve around them and sad to say I am not one of them.

Nah I won't get emotional this whole week and even on the day I send him in. His safety is my top most concern as long as he is safe, I will be strong. I am sucking this up and thought of plans to keep myself busy for the 17days of not seeing him. First on my list, REVAMP MY ROOM. I need to get new book shelf, table, dvd player and speakers for my room. I have the entire room to myself for close to 8 years now and nothing is done to the empty walls and almost collapsing book shelf. Books bought at Borders can put themselves to good use now! Slowly I will get use to living this way, all it takes is faith and nothing else.

2011-05-28T00:11:00.002+08:00

Happy Graduation baby! So happy that you found a companion who is going in NS on the same day as you!!! Giving another reason for me to not tear on that day. After attending Chiahow's grad day I must say TP is not at match to NP's standard. To top things up, we had to pay more for the grad robe. Tsk.

Going to get my bro to reformat my lappie for me, is lagging hell lot. Just cleared my recycle bin and guess how many files were there in total? Haha 1000 plus and many programs are in laptop without me realizing its existence.

Anyhow, got two interviews next week sigh doubt I can make it cos is not related to whatever I am studying. I wanna do HR let me get the job k I don't mind about pay, I just don't want to rot. Being jobless defeats the purpose of postponing my studies plan to next year. Let me get a HR job pleaseeeeeeeeeeeee I need the experience.

Above Ground (I)

2011-05-27T02:44:00.000+08:00

HAHAHA for those who stayed over at my place before should be familiar with my pillow case! Cannot sleep without it for more than 2 days. So.. I brought it to Genting.... er.

Due to personal reasons I am unable to get these photos up on my fb so yup here it is, day 1 of my 3 days Genting Highlands trip! A side note to people going Genting, please choose Resort Hotel if you are looking for affordable yet somewhat luxurious accommodation. Don't choose First World to scrimp on that 50 odds dollar because at a slightly higher price you get a SO MUCH better hotel room! Okay not that good compared to Highlands Hotel or whichever 5 stars hotel but is really worth the price. Though First World provides convenience to various entertainment spots, the service and room structure are at doubt. Stayed there ONCE and is beyond terrible.
The first day started off with both of us arriving at the pick up point at 6am in the morning. Had breakie and boarded the bus that kept us as captive for 7 hours. Felt disorientated upon arrival and scrambled around in search of our hotel with the help of many people (yes is quite a distance from the terminal) Settled down, had lunch and went for our first adventure of the day and that is the haunted house. We got lost at Genting quite a number of times so the first day was more of a discovery day for both of us. Will upload the rest some other day. Oh the last pic was taken on the last day but just wanna share the effect of my wide lens lomo. Someone pls do some justice cos @choochiahow said that he couldnt see any diff btw photos taken with digital cam and lomo. The colors are much more vivid. No?
Seeing the pics taken make me happy. I wanna go for more such getaway! Got to wait for the day Chiahow POP from tekong which is Sep. I want go BKK and HK so so so badly. My dad is planning for a trip to HK with the whole family but what is fun without the boy? Oh wells.... I am sucking it up alr. 5 fucking mths of slavery for him and endless waiting for me. I have never expected myself to be fitting into such position having to wait every single night for just a less than 30 mins phone call. And that anticipation from morning till afternoon to night for only A PHONE call is plain stupid. Yes sucking it up but can still whine a little right......

Hehe but Chiahow will be fitter leh more man. I like. (lick lower lip) <3

Long post! Hehe my mood is getting better. Swimming tmr morning and look at the time now almost 3am. Die. Goodnight!

Not about holding hard, but holding firm.

2011-05-26T00:41:00.000+08:00


Girls like this deserve to live a more fulfilling life.

My old friend is back to pay me a visit. Not sure how much longer I can hold on to this, I want to lead on my own. Every single step is excruciating. Just. pull the stop button and let us all out of the depth of misery. We can be beautiful and miraculously perfect just ask for lesser and earn the most.
At times like this, sink in to the comfort of your bed, shut your eyes tightly, sing a little prayers to ask for a better tmr and wake up the next day feeling hope in the gentle breeze of morning air. Note to self: A brand new challenge awaiting.

Graduation.

2011-05-24T22:22:00.001+08:00

Okay... the photos are all jumbled up. Wrong estimation yet again. Tried countless times to log in to blogger and final fuckingly succeeded. Grad ceremony took place today and saw myself sitting restlessly on my seat as the speakers go non stop on their opening address. When is about my turn to go up the stage, that few secs... spells out my three years of hard work. I must say three years aint easy only course mates understand how it felt like to be over this process. At the same venue three years ago, I sat there as a freshman and three years later back to the exact same location, I am there as a graduand. I feel ... relief. I am. nope. not proud at all to announce that I am a hospitality and tourism management diploma holder.

Just got to end this abruptly and head off to take a cold shower. The weather is a phenomenon that the earth is dying. So are we..... HOORAY!

Stay still.

2011-05-19T22:40:00.002+08:00

I am back. Doubt I will upload the pics on Facebook so yup watch my blog for updates.We took close to 200 over pictures and some really retarded videos. Haha I will upload the videos after I am done editing them. Most of them talking about how I felt before and after the rides. I took the "legendary spaceshot" and flying coaster but I am too chicken to try the "Go Kart". Okay time to unpack my luggage and send all my soiled clothes for some washing.

p.s I don't wanna be back, we shall stay in the monopoly world.

Fairytales coming real.

2011-05-15T12:25:00.001+08:00

Happy one year anniversary baby, we made it through eventually.
A simple dinner at Holland V for our anniversary dinner and as for post celebration, we spent a night over at Pan Pacific. Everything is perfect and I hope @choochiahow enjoyed as much as I do. Marina Bay Sands next alright. Hehe love you <3

You got us spelled the wrong way.

2011-05-09T01:57:00.000+08:00

That was just another ordinary day spent rushing to CP for both our favourite MHK and I just got to emphasize on how much my love for the chili has blossomed. We can have it for thrice a week and never ever get sick of it. Then followed by town which we did practically what most people do in town, walk. Life is pretty stagnant these days cos living in this small little dot can bring about not much changes and excitement. The boy and I will be leaving for Genting in a week's time. A short getaway before reality forces us apart. (insert wtf face) Work officially ended last Friday and the burden of looking for a new full time job has once again fallen on my shoulder. It doesn't help to be at cold war with both the parent. Okay.. what's new? But this war had never been as ridiculous as the most recent one. Imagine having your parents comparing you with so and so, telling you that you should work for MONEY and not INTEREST, how should you feel? Hmm. Bad.
They openly taunt me to prove them wrong. Cos I stand firm on my decision that Hospitality route is no longer within my consideration for now till perhaps after I graduate from uni. Apparently, both of them still thought that with my attitude I can still survive in this industry. Ha. Ha. Working in hotel is really that glamorous will it bring glory to the family telling everyone that " come on my daughter works in the hotel, chamber maid/front desk/banquet staff"? I really don't understand which part of "gaining experience and not wanting to specialize in a specific segment of an industry" they don't understand. In my opinion, shouldn't they be proud that their daughter is willing to experience or learn new things? Oh not forgetting what my dad mentioned which makes me feel that they need to move out of their ancient thinking as soon as possible. He say and I quote "since you have decided that you don't wish to stay in this industry, what for go for internship"? To be exact, I went for events and not HOTEL like any other of my fellow course mates did because I WANT TO ESCAPE FROM THE CLUTCHES OF THIS INDUSTRY! So.... explain yourself further dad. No one likes to be compared. No doubt, same sec school same course people would definitely start comparing. But is there really a need to belittle their own fresh and blood?
Some people are all out to destroy your life. What to do...

On a side note, I got my blog a total new layout to signify a new beginning. Wanted so much to change my link cos you see if you want a new beginning you should do a total makeover right. Can't bear to do so. Hehe
May should be the best month of this year cos the boy and I have made plans for the entire month and also not forgetting that our anniversary is arriving! Stay tune will be back real soon.

Goodnight.

Hovering Towers

2011-04-19T13:33:00.002+08:00

I have to tell you " I'll be here baby, whenever you need me".

Hmm.. So caught up with controlling my emotions that I am at a loss for words now.
Yesterday when the boy told me that he will be booking in on June 7th, I thought I could hold it well enough but at that instant the strong front that I am putting up crumbled down and ultimately reveals my vulnerability. Trying to comfort myself every now and then. It hurts him more but the silly boy has to do his part by comforting his useless gf. In order to make him feel better, I have to feel better...

Reluctant to see him off because I know it would be hard to hold back my tears and I will feel the urge to sneak him out of the army camp. Can I just be a crybaby?

I am afraid that Chiahow can't take the trainings. He is too skinny. His blood has problem. What if he faints halfway through the training? During outfield he got separated from the rest how is he going to find his way back? A new environment for the boy having to sleep in a bunk with 11 others, coming from different background. Can he survive through socialising with others? He hates fish the most and what if the daily meal consist of mainly fish and vege? How is he going to summon strength to pull through every single tough training? Replaying the scene where he has to let go of my hands, bidding goodbye to his mum and sisters and staring at us from afar; boarding the ferry back to where he suppose to belong. We came as 5 and left as 4. How would he feel...
I can only tell myself that is not like we are life and death apart, we are still alive and I will get to see him after the first two weekends. After a good 4 mths of muscle building and nerve breaking training he will be tougher and nothing can beat him down.

June is arriving and till now I refuse to believe that he will be stranded on the island defending against the merciless trainers. Why can't he be in the september batch? At least I have more time to do mental prep. Just kept me thinking that if we had quarrel lesser we would have additional time for each other. Sigh what for regret when what's done can't be undo? I pray for all good things to befall him. All I ever wanted is him to be safe, safe and safe. Please..

Breathtaking island, atop a sea.

2011-04-16T00:12:00.002+08:00

HOHO its Friday suckerz and it symbolizes not the end, but the beginning of a new week. Okay... Trying to be optimistic!

Every week has been the same and no, workload didn't increase but time pass faster when I am doing something productive. After nearing two mths of hesitation, I finally got the courage to use the office's desktop to surf the net. I read my archive more than 20 times a year and I will never get sick of reading them all over again though the one who played the script was my myself.
Can't help but to think I was happier last time... I am still happy now... Just that the weight of happiness seems to be decreasing. Nevertheless, I am picking up now which is a good thing.

Last week kicked start the series of healthy lifestyle practice that I am gonna follow closely. Started off with my first ever gym lesson by none other than @choochiahow and yups swimming lesson too. I can swim (insisting) just that I am afraid of water? Is the suffocating thought that I develop once I stay in the water for too long and you may say it as a shadow of my past drowning experience. Overcoming it in hope that I can survive slightly longer when Tsunami hits Singapore. Who knows I might get save during that split second when I am struggling to shove off the polluted water.

That is about all, the summary of my life for now till the day I am sick of exercising. I am still filled with enthusiasm well partly because I wanna gain back my confidence. Sigh... tragically I am not good enough and I HAVE to be better. Low self confidence hitting a new high low but why are prettier girls everywhere? And when I am referring to pretty girls is no longer the secondary school kind of chiobu is now the kind of girls with long nice wavy hair, skinny legs, big boobs, nice pair of eyes(VERY IMPORTANT), flawless complexion, high nose bridge, and omg damn it I realise I am describing the ashincans model. Saw her in real life and just got to harp over how ugly I look when I am standing right beside her. She is like an art piece and I am just the ink that the artist used to paint her. ENOUGH SAID. Life is awesome (:

Goodnight pretty babes.

Your heart worth more so swallow your pride.

2011-04-11T22:12:00.006+08:00

I know your eyes are like thrice of mine...

Happy 11th months baby. And yes one last phase and we are officially a year old. Last week was hell for the both of us and glad that we got things worked out after all. Impressed by how I can drive such a patient and temper-less guy to the edge of the cliff. I see where you are coming from and I will keep my tantrum/attitude/moodswing/impatience in check. Ahem play your part too, you know what I am referring to. You can by all means scream at me/scold me but NEVER walk out of my life. Love you <3

When you grab ahold of me, tell me that i'll never be set free

2011-04-09T02:08:00.003+08:00

I just have to remind myself that my life is awesome and will always remain so.
But it just doesn't stop me from feeling this way. This year as of what I will name it, is the most depressed period for myself and people around me. Have to stop feeling this way... Cos awesome people don't curse their life. No?

We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used to create them.

Widow town.

2011-04-01T23:54:00.005+08:00

In every levels of our life, we have to go through various processes.

Okay.. Graduation day is confirmed and is on the 24th of May. Scary isnt it that we are moving on to a growing adult stage now. People in the office have been telling me how young I am and blah blah, but actually I feel otherwise. 20 years old seems old to me alr. Is no longer the age where you can go "eh mum, can give me more money this week?" or "Hey want skip school today not?" In school you can afford to skip as much as you wish to cos ultimately we are the one paying the school. However, at work we are "owned" by the boss of your company and they pay you to work for them. Many factors are included and is a chain effect that every decision you make determines the outcome of your future. As of what some of my friends had heard of that I am not going to pursue my studies yet and going to stop for a year. Yea.. A tough choice but I predict that is the best for someone like me. I need to know what I exactly want to be and not jump in impulsive decision like how I did for HTM; the biggest regret of my life. Sorry to always end up posting up future related post but it just shows how much I care about it.

Perhaps I should stop blabbering about the same topic. Getting me all nervous and filled with uhm anticipation...

So far 2011 isn't smooth sailing for me, sincerely hoping that there would be a change every start of the month. The past few weeks were spent attending old colleague's wedding, catching up with old friends, spending time with family and balancing work with relationship. Considering if I should just look for event jobs cos I am losing interest in 9-6 office routine. Maybe what I am doing now is not enough to retain my interest oh well. When I was an intern I complained about how much OT I had incurred and now the change of mind? See my point? Can never set my mind in focusing on only ONE thing.

Is a Saturday tmr but I will be staying at home to nurse my mood swing cos I don't like it when I am out but can just get pissed with every single soul obstructing my way. I can be a bitch most of the time. Really need to get rid of my FML bag making me more depress only.

Sleeping early every night. Goodnight.

It doesn't move anywhere further.

2011-03-20T01:54:00.011+08:00

"How's life?"
"Still as depressed as ever, remain constant haha."
"You can't always be like this, come on."

A friend asked me this few days back on twitter and after my reply he replied me in such stern tonality which serves as a wake up call for me.. You want to receive the beauty of life? Be sure to experience the ugly side. The conclusion I came up with. To be honest, is not fair for people living in darkness all these while, they are struggling for survival and here I am complaining about how life just sucks. Self explanatory way is to say that nothing goes my way but in life, who usually gets everything they really wanted? I deserve to be smacked thousand times. Japan is undergoing some huge natural disaster whereas I am living in such safe and clean environment still dare to complain about my life. Tell me more about contentment. Hate myself even more now...

Work took up most of my time and that explains the lack of update here. Btw photos below were taken few days back when I met up with Ger Foo and Teng dexter. We talked about the summary of our life after InQbox closed down. Oh man... How much I miss the company there. Strange enough, what type of person you are will determine what type of friends you are hanging out with. You will get the drift when you witness the way we communicate.

And I miss @choochiahow now... (to make him happier ...) We used to hang out almost everyday of our life but now work has brought us further apart. I will feel damn weird to have no one to talk to right after work cos he is working at like woodlands? To top things up, we are always tired after work and will turn in as early as ten.. Well, at least we both made the effort to see each other at least uhm 4 days a week? Feels so gross to talk about him here. Eeeww k just to make him slightly happier.

Goodnight.

Rocky Mountain

2011-03-01T01:03:00.002+08:00

I have set up my mind on what path to take for my own future. People around me have been disapproving my decision but is my life that I am leading and a future that I am moving towards, I don't think I should allow my decision to waver. Might not be easy for me and most prob the biggest regret of my life. For now, this is the best choice for me and I am going ahead with my plans...

Blogging seems meaningless to me now ever since I created Twitter.

It's a quarter after nine.

2011-02-28T00:49:00.003+08:00

That day I came up with a plan that is to be contented with my life. At least I am breathing and I have a roof above my head. We are all fortunate yet fail to see this. Yes saying myself.
I need to wake up stop living in self denial stop thinking that the whole world is against me. Have to know the world belongs to everyone and I am not living alone. I am self destructive cos I love to see myself suffering but I put all blames to people around me saying they are the causes for everything that happened. Unlike others, every night I go to bed thinking about how terrible will the next day be not once have I hoped for a better day. I am a pessimist I fuck my life everyday (just look at my bag)

Need a new life and 2011 should be my year simply because I love eleven (the most unique number) Can't wait for 11.11.11 to arrive.

Don't worry please judge me! Cos I suck and I am hoping for a change.

-

2011-02-20T20:22:00.000+08:00

Via: Poeticheartache
Letting them down.

Want you to make me feel like I'm the only girl in the world.

2011-02-10T00:37:00.002+08:00

Happy late Chinese New Year people!

Once chu yi and chu er is over CNY is considered O.V.E.R so shops should really start to open stop using CNY as an excuse to rest. -.-

My CNY was a blast okay not really cos I've been losing money and I hate that. I can finally affirm on my stand that I am born to be suay. Who the hell will lose money on every single round of mahjong and like 9 out of 10 times of ban luck? I need some luck man lack of PLENTY of them.

Getting really excited that school is ending? Been anticipating for the past 19 years of my life and yes in two weeks time I am a poly graduate! Feel the sense of achievement. Think secondary school life is still the best, I really don't mind rewinding back to 2007! The havoc 4F.
Something random my room is reeking of strong chinese wine smell. My mum and her tonic....

Tomorrow I will be heading down to chiahow's school for some hard core mugging session. I need to complete my research paper by this week. That dreaded research paper is so research intensive and did I mention that I hate to read articles? Chiahow came over this morning to help me with my research while I sleep, oh boy he is a walking search engine lor. Or maybe is cos I suck in doing research. Me and my laziness is getting pretty irritating at times like this.

Have to prepare for a long day tmr. So goodnight!

Last few days.

2011-01-30T22:36:00.022+08:00

Voyage days...

What we gave to our account's boss

OCBC Achievers' Night

28th Jan - JEL Magical Kingdom DnD

My Deejay master he is damn awesome!!!

See what we did to his Mac...

Internship officially ended and school is starting tmr. Life sucks la deh!
I completed my E journal and Portfolio and now back to school for last module which is research essay. Sigh I really hate how my life is progressing. Really don't have the cny festive mood at all.
Shall not broad over trivial matters and watch GG and VD nao oh and eat some biscuits.

Flawed.

2011-01-28T02:13:00.002+08:00

Don't cry cos crying means losing.

Lie.

The citizen of love.

2011-01-13T23:38:00.003+08:00

My many attempts to keep this space alive are futile.

Since I got an off day tmr for the many days of staying out late for events I should steal some time off for myself. First and foremost, I will force myself up as early as 7am tmr morning for a morning jog, followed by breakfast with mum and wash up. Then I will start on my portfolio that I had always been digressing whether to start getting some words written down.

Say only without action is my forte.

I got exact two more weeks to my back to school day. Finally back to leading a proper student life. Sigh sad to say 3 years in poly didnt increase my social network and in fact, I think it shrunk. If only I am not that anti social. I wasn't like this in the past ...

Crafting out a to do list after internship and I need to get them done before I graduate from Poly. Getting a car license is on the top most of the list. I am entitled to the usage of my dad's car since I think I paid for part of his expenses every mth since the start of internship. Okay not really... I paid for a month - $50 Am really impress with my acting dumb skills that I acquired from working in my interning company. Whenever my mum brings it up, "This mth the $50 leh"? Me: *Walk away calmly.
Start saving for my driving lessons NOW. My mum is getting really irritating with the whole money saving issue. She thinks that 500 bucks a mth is A HELL LOT. She wants me to contribute to some family eating out fund which was not even valid in the first place. Trying to cheat my money but she phrased it in such a gracious way. Oh come on. Nothing ranks higher than money to me now. Call me money face lor.

Know the female deejay thing that I have been boasting about? Ya me trying to act like I am so musically incline but heck la I found my PASSION. Wtf right don't laugh. Really I feel like learning how to spin for leisure purpose not cos I wanna be Nicole Chen's wannabe la. I know she is a celebrity model. I don't mind running for dinner and dance events and earn like 200 bucks a night for each event. I see all the emcees' deejay none of them are female and if I am tackling this market, I might find my future!!!

Cannot already la my plan for tmr morning gonna fail me. I am so sleepy now...
OKAY FOUND MY PERFECT ENDING. Goodnight all.

o2010: Is true that you should never place anyone as your priority

2011-01-01T23:41:00.002+08:00

The first picture of the year.
Welcome 2011!

Has this sudden rush of blogging urge to blog about my 2010.
No doubt, 2010 is the best year of my life cos I am being exposed to many cruelty of life and I learn enough to end this year with a good note.

I met Chiahow the most patient guy in the whole universe who can withstand all my nonsense and I love him despite all the endless quarreling between the both of us. I shall be honest, the first day of the year nearly became the end of our r/s. As usual I am a bitch who is so strong headed that no one in this world can knock any sense into me. Every month we face arising problems and he compromised the most. I think I am getting psychotic at times and trust me I know what is going through my mind. I act on impulse and when the word shoots out from my mouth I will turn my head back, regretting on every decision I made. This is me.
I force him to understand me and he tried so hard to revise my various expressions over and over again so that the next time round, he would know how to react.
I push him away many times but just like how the north and south pole of a magnet attract each other, we got back together and the viscous cycle will repeat itself again. By all means people, laugh at my stupidity, ignorance and immaturity. I am not the best gf material and in fact I am a far cry away from achieving it. Know anything about inferior complexity? Yes I tend to compare myself with other girls and this causes me to live my life under different shadows. I am tired of such lifestyle and is time for me to live for myself. Cos Chiahow is easy going and I always take advantage of him. Yes fuck yay I am a depressed bitch.

Then internship programme emerges, adding new problems into my life. Working life is a chore and I realise how much I miss school. Hospitality and Tourism is not a suitable course for the nature of my characteristic and I should find a more appropriate industry to work in. Graduation is less than 3 months time and I have yet to find my future that is fading vaguely.

Since the start of 2010 and I have lost contact with this two friends who used to be part of my life. They left without mentioning and the clique is getting smaller.

Actually I wanted to type more but the fever has jumbled up my thoughts. Leave it to another day.

Goodnight.

-

2010-12-27T16:12:00.002+08:00

I’m a liar because I won’t tell you everything. I’m stupid because sometimes i’m wrong. I’m a pushover because I like making people happy. I’m a loser because I’m not friends with your group. I’m fake because I’m too nice. I’m weird because I’m not like you. I’m fat because I eat when I’m hungry. I’m clingy because I don’t like to be alone. I’m insecure because I care about what people think of me. I’m no fun because I’m not always hyper. Don’t try to tell me who I am because i already know.

-poeticheartache.tumblr

Sometimes, we just got to learn from our setbacks.
you are the reason why I am happier than before.
you are also the reason why I am crying every other nights.
All in all, I want you to know you complete my life boy.

You won't break me. Your words will.

Joy to the World.

2010-12-19T01:55:00.019+08:00

Like finally?

Call me queen of excel. Forever doing costing sheet when I have a new proposal to complete

This is the deadly PROJECT BRIEF

Pre BBQ: Gambling

COLA MY FAV POODLE! I will miss him when internship ends. Where to find such obedient dog? I told my colleague that I really want to kidnap him.

Didn't expect this to come. When I was told of this party I thought it was just a random sit at one corner bbq and eat kind of party. BUT WE HAVE DISCO BALL, KARAOKE LOUNGE, RED CARPET AND DEEJAYYYYY?! The good thing about event companies they have everything in house. Go up level seven search for the disco ball, red carpet, tables, chairs and speakers. We are good to start. OH and not to forget we have our own designers and carpenters (don't enjoy calling those china guys this but couldn't find better words to substitute) Designer did out an E - Invite card.
The group of studio guys did the 2m long BBQ pit! Seriously they are the most awesome and talented group of people. Whatever you want tell them they can get it down within an hr or so. Love them much. Our stage backdrop, entrance design all done by them!!

Aspire to be a female deejay. Hope I get to mess with it during Jan events.

And my fellow intern mates did the opening segment to kick start our PARTY.

That was on Thursday where we converted our level 5 "production factory" to what you see above - Mini BBQ/Karaoke lounge.
It was "Mettle Games Appreciation Dinner" plus year end gathering. Really wish that I wasn't there as an intern, it would be much better.
Anyway life as an intern in Voyage is coming to an end. Just another 6 more weeks and I will leave Ubi and most probably not going back to the event industry. No doubt working in events line is not an easy thing to master and cope with and to be honest, the toilet in the office has become my friend. I would run in to cry every now and then, begging god to alleviate the pain I had to suffer everyday in the office for the past few months. Because I am an intern I got no choice but to follow every instructions passed down to me. Every actions carried out is watched by everyone's eyes. My life and death depend on just one thin sheet of appraisal form. How much I wish to scream and quit the job has to be kept within myself because to them I have to be capable enough. Is silly how internship nail us all down and we are not given a chance to retaliate. Life is a burden to me few months back the thought of having to wake up as early as 7 to get myself prep up and invite the new start of my working life has brought me down to someone whom I no longer recognise. I started to develop many negative thoughts about my colleagues, supervisors and even bosses thinking that they are just another cheap hunters looking for cheap and durable labours.

Soon, I realise is not always that case. My supervisor has been protecting me all this while trying to minimise my contact with clients. He doesn't want me to deal with unnecessary disputes. Also for suppliers he will try his best to line out everything perfectly for me before throwing works at me. However due to some constraints that are not within his capability this batch of interns are suffering more and learning "too much".

Dealing with clients are not part of what is supposed to be handed to the interns. Especially if we are the direct person in contact with both suppliers and clients. You guys got no idea how much stress I am undergoing. You know how nasty some clients can get? They can totally ignore my presence and skip up all the way to my big boss to complain about our plannings. To the clients we are working adults yet in the company we have the lowest rank highest responsibility. We are not ALLOWED to tell our clients that we are only interns so imagine what kind of treatments are we students given? I don't earn a living from my mthly intern allowance cos 500 dollars definitely can't sustain my monthly usage. I am not here to learn endurance.
That is only one part of my everyday doings in the office.

I did a 100k proposal ALL by myself and got the best encouragement by my boss. " This proposal cannot make it." I looked at the clock is 6.30pm time to knock off and also time to submit this proposal to client. We are not the only vendor pitching for this project many other big companies are waiting for this deal. Obviously, my boss did not know that the proposal was done by me the "mighty" intern. His words are directed at my supervisor not me.
We stayed back change the proposal accordingly, I sacrificed my off day to go all the way down Jurong Island for presentation. At the end of the day we lost the deal because the price is too steep compared to other companies.

See the point? That is how much I hate working in event line. I swear this will be my first and last time revolving around this industry.

Dreaded Monday cos I am meeting up with this group of bitches and bastards. Fuck them for everything for screwing my life the past weeks. Their dinner and dance is on 30th and I got the worst role EVER. Emcee tag not again and wtf super arrogant emcee unlike the one for Ace insurance. Last self RUN event cos this is an event by another supervisor and not my own supervisor. Okay is complicating so don't bother to explain.
On 30th is gonna be fuck up times zillions those motherfucking bitches will screw me big time. Yea no more overall in charge and emcee tag for me for Jan. Fucking hate the work stress.

In conclusion, Endurance is also a virtue.

Who says sunshine goes after rain/storm?

2010-12-12T01:40:00.002+08:00

I should be in bed.

Staying up late doesn't benefit for sure. Work is getting better but life is still depressing. Maybe I am just too afraid of being normal. Night is the worst part of the day, even when the day was so perfect during the night I will sink back into depression. Secretly hate how I am structured and I can't help but to remember how happy I was in the past. I wasn't like this and I didn't expect this to come.

I hope I can disconnect from the cyber world and maybe by that time I will be happier - who I used to be in the past.

First Execution

2010-11-27T11:08:00.002+08:00

Last night's show wasn't the best but is my first time trying out as the overall in charge for the whole dinner and dance.
I was involved in the pitching process to the coordinating process and finally the execution process. The anticipation the night before was gone in a blink of the eye. Not easy I must say as I am not experience enough to make quick decision and unable to handle situations calmly. When something urgent crops up I got so stress up that I can't focus on my most important task - to assist the emcee. Emcee plays the biggest role last night as we got no performers and he is doing a one man show.
We started off with a briefing with the hotel, emcee and the whole dinner and dance committee from our client side. I was the one giving briefing. Every step I took is watched by so many people.
Have to inform the hotel what time should the first dish starts and last dish ends as well as all AV requirements from the hotel side.
I shall not elaborate on the rest of the parts, it was definitely a night of experiencing, learning and brain racking. Especially so for the rubber band part I did not prepare sufficient rubber bands for the guests to connect the whole ballroom together it was a mistake on my part. But thank god everything was solved. Not that I don't trust the hotel side but I believe my team mates will understand my instructions better.

Thankful for giving me such understanding emcee who gave me assurance throughout the show. Last but not least my intern mates giving me their fullest support.
Yes I lost my cool during the first part of the show and is all the result of being unprepared. The next one SHOULD be better.
November is over the most stressful month for me having two dinner and dance back to back.
Internship is over soon.

WEEK 10 DOWN.

Lovers or not?

2010-11-26T00:05:00.003+08:00

Work is at noon tomorrow so I can rest more sleep later.
I miss blogging.

In a few days time November is coming to an end. A final full stop to the end of anxiety.
In just a word I can sum up the whole of November. "Bad".
I find myself too pampered living in the comfort of my own zone still unwilling to penetrate through when I know that staying on will only bring upon self destruction.
I am lacking of confidence always unsure about everything. I dwell on the same matter every minute of my life taking for example a simple dinner and dance. The day before I got so paranoid that I checked numerous logistic lists that I have drawn out in my mind. I hate the feeling of realising that I have committed a grave mistake only on the day itself.

Then I care a hell lot about how people think about me. I want to please everyone knowing that is impossible but I insist on doing so. I want everyone to be happy with me and never had I felt this tired before in my life.
No longer who I was few years back when I am still back in Manjusri. Those days were simpler cos I speak what I want and not afraid of offending a single soul.

They say working society should be this cruel I laugh it off when I was young. Now that in few months time I am graduating leaving campus life moving on to a proper grown up life, I can only accept the future. That is up to date - Bleak.

Goodnight.

-

2010-11-21T00:39:00.003+08:00

Stop the torture.
I am just a human with emotions.
I tend (chose?) to let it eat up every single portion of me and nothing is complete anymore.
Nothing.

I miss my best friend Yunxi.

Tongue tight.

2010-11-14T01:21:00.006+08:00

Was so caught up with work that I forgot the existence of this space. As mentioned, Mettle games is over and work life pretty much smooth sailing for me till date. Except for a little of work pressure faced having to deal with corporate clients. Now we see what's shown on television might not be exactly made up cos when you see fussy/demanding and arrogant clients on tv programmes you can jolly well expect the same coming in real life.

Have not started a single word for my portfolio which I got to show my LO this coming Saturday. So many projects lining up and for this month alone I got two dinner and dance under my project to execute. How to find time to even start on my portfolio?
Even an hr of not checking my mail makes me uneasy enough imagine not checking for the whole weekend? Is a form of phobia afraid that in any point of time if my clients decided to change certain part of artwork or event time line I got to do follow up on a timely basis.

I want November to end now.

Worst role emcee tag this Friday. Emcee better don't screw me up. Not easy to control them when they are on stage. Moreover, all the performers have other shows to go for and schedule is really pack for that night. First show under me so pleaseeeeeeeeee screw me any other time but not this.

Visuals take on the last day of Mettle Games. Is like a big relief to not only the organising department as well as those supporting teams.

Team VOYAGE!

Suppose to be a jump shot for everyone but that two insist that we should run all the way to the front and block everyone's view.

Voyage, octopod, MMFC, vox pro = VOX group of Companies

The group of interns.

Goodnight.

-

No one ever gets tired of loving. But everyone gets tired of waiting, hearing lies, assuming, saying sorry and hurting.

Cola.

2010-10-31T03:18:00.002+08:00

Still insist on blogging when my eyes are shutting down alr.

Just a brief update cos there are too many things that happened the past few weeks and I can't really recall much of them at such unearthly hour. The only thing I know is I am packed with events for the whole of November.

Don't wanna dwell on work related stuff anymore cos is getting lame. Something random to begin with, I feel like having a dog. Okay wait ONLY POODLE. I only want poodle cos that is the only breed I can accept. I am scared of big dogs and ugly dogs. I know right why the sudden thought. It all begin with one of my colleague who often brings his dog to the office the dog name is Cola and it is a black and white poodle. According to him, Cola is not a pure poodle breed and as of what I heard is better to not purchase a pure breed cos they are practically dumb and hard to train. Cola is extremely smart, obedient cos he doesn't bark and he seems to understand that he should refrain himself from going near one of my colleagues as she is afraid of dogs. He listens to everyone's command. What pisses me off is my colleague got Cola for 500 bucks only!!! I really wanna steal him home.

But I am not an animal lover so if I really get a dog (that is if my mum permits) I will most likely get sick of it after a week plus or so. I don't wish to regret on my decision so I guess I will never risk the life of an innocent animal.

I should just end this post abruptly my eyes can no longer remain wide. Goodnight

S.

2010-10-21T09:01:00.003+08:00

I can't upload pictures for the past two events I attended. Will upload tmr if I am not tired.
WingTai Asia dinner and dance today and will be at swissotel the whole day.

Mettle games next week!!! OH MAN A DEMONSTRATOR GONNA CLIMB SINGAPORE FLYER ON NEXT FRIDAY I WANNA SEE I WANNA SEE!!!! Too bad I am stationed at the f&b area. ):
Car drifting, wakeboarding etc....... I wanna watch all the extreme sports as a spectator and not as event manager.
You see Mettle games is an in house event but not manage by my department and I still have to go down to do on site coordination. You think my life not sucky enough? I mean practically everyone in the company is involved in the whole event even the designers? Don't understand what kind of record my company wanna break. You are an event company just do an event for other people la what for do your own event and torture your own people?

Okay forget it I should just stop harping on it when I know nothing can be changed. A shout out to all TP business school students(i think? best from HTM/LRM) Mettle games is a prestige event that is the largest in Asia. We are partnering with STB(Ya all tourism students will be damn excited to hear this word right.) So if you wanna add some points to your resume in future do volunteer to participate on a voluntary basis. You can add in that you worked for STB before though not directly, at least better than NEVER work before right.

That's all I am out of the house. Bye.

Stone and rock.

2010-10-17T02:10:00.003+08:00

Practically dead.

An official update of week 4 internship. How I wish the figure goes up to 10 the moment I wake up tmr. Was filled with enthusiasm for work last week cos everything got a little better but now I am having advance Monday blues. You know what is making my life so difficult during my internship period? Is my fuck up supervisor and how the company works. Really don't want to re emphasize on how much I detest my supervisor. A weird guy that is definitely not easy to read. Is like sometimes he can praise me up the sky and the very next moment he can nag at me for something that is not within my control. Know that feeling? How is it possible for me to work with someone who is always pulling a long face and to make things worse he is sitting directly in front of me. -.-

He claims that he has a lot for me to do but whatever task he entrust me to complete requires strength and determination more than brain.
After that he will tell me how much he is going through to protect me from all work stress from our bosses. Like seriously stop boasting. I want to hear none of these.
Okay I state an example okay? This is the most ridiculous joke ever really.

He asked me to look for stock videos. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBJey8ebi8g (an example)
So he saw me searching from youtube and he said that searching from google is BETTER. I spent an hour searching for such videos on google and guess what all the videos found are with the website logo smacked right at the centre of the video. He wasn't even helpful enough to let me know if there is a way to extract the logo out from the video. He even gave sarcastic remarks like "use magic lor". WTF?

I gave up trying to google so I made the decision to use youtube to download instead. I found plenty of it WITHOUT THE DAMN LOGO. He walked past and saw me downloading from youtube and he can still tell me that the effect quite cool. WTF times 2.

See my point? How to communicate like this. Whenever we interns leave on the dot at 6.30pm what kind of expression he gave us? Even give remarks like "i actually got a lot for you all to do lor". You mean to stay till past 6.30pm to complete whatever you want us to do? Sorry my working time is till 6.30pm and unlike everyone in the office I reach at 9.30am on days that have no events(earlier for event days) so shouldnt I fucking leave on the dot?

Then he got me to do powerpoint slides with animation for the OCBC dinner and dance. He wanted music attached to the slides. At the end of the day NONE OF IT IS USED DURING THE DINNER AND DANCE. I had two files of powerpoint slides one with sound and special animations another just plain slides with the words. He instructed me to use the latter. Without even apologising to me for wasting my effort.

OCBC dinner and dance on Thursday you got me to reach at 9am but what time did you reach? 930am? Cos you are apparently having morning breakfast with your gf. Know the meaning of setting a good example for your subordinates?

Now the company system. I just got to rant this out. How can I part timer who works 3 weeks earn 1k and us 500 bucks a mth? Is not doing us justice. When event falls on a weekday we work till 12am or sometimes 1. We got no off in lieu for that they won't even tell us to come in later for work when my supervisor reaches at 11am instead of 9.30am. And when we work on a Saturday we are only given a half day off cos sat is suppose to be a work day for us but somehow they feel that is not necessary to work on Sat so it is a proclaim off day for everyone in the office. Even if we work one whole day till late at night we are only given half a day off.

At this point of time who we can all turn to is only our liaison officer who told us 2 or three weeks ago that he will fight for us and till now we hear no news from him. What a school.
If is only me who feels imbalance about this matter I can't say much but if is all the interns working under the same department shouldn't someone help us?

I know I sound like a grumpy bitch here but come on la don't tell me that your SIP company is lousier than mine when mine has already break the guinness world record for being the meanest company ever.

Aside from the supervisor and company system part generally the past two events were a success to me. OCBC dinner and dance was a stress bomb for having to control four projector screens discreetly. Not allowing the guests to see me switching from videos to videos and powerpoint slides to powerpoint slides. I like how the whole team coordinates so well in such a way that is feels like we all have a common target. Next up Wingtai Asia dinner and dance this coming thursday. The whole dinner and dance committee of wintai asia is getting on the nerve of the whole company. They actually called everyone in the office to find another supervisor of mine just to check when can we deliver the invitation cards over. Like seriously how many branches of topshop, diva, miss selfridge, adidas and yoshinoya they have. They think is easy to sort out. -.-

Goodnight my people will update soon and choochiahow don't kill me cos I am not yet in bed. Haha

Sentosa.

2010-10-10T16:08:00.002+08:00

Carrying so much logistic items till my arms, shoulders and legs are aching. I got 4 black bruises on my leg naoz. I carried 2 elephants worth of weight from Friday night till Saturday. Not to mention that I stayed in Sentosa till 12 midnight on Saturday and went to Mustafa to just get 5 whistles. All because of this I slept at 2 am on Friday night and woke up at 4.30am on Saturday night. Prepared for a long and humid day on a Saturday morning. Yes for all you know is the damn NTUC Income Race On event that causes so much misery to me since the start of last week.

It was 26 - 33 degree on a Saturday and despite the hot weather I am tasked to run around the 3 beaches for setting up. I am now so familiar with the routes in Sentosa.

Not saying that I learn nothing through this event cos at least I think I found back some passion in the event line(think only)
I was being such a nuisance for the past week cos I've been running down to level 5 to seek help from the studio people for my logistic lists. Is mad embarrassing to ask them for help every 10 mins. They are so so so efficient and helped me a lot in getting most of the logistics settled. Thank god for them.

After slogging like farmers for the past 2 days I am only entitled to a half day leave. You think my life sucks enough not? Is not even half a day. Is like 2.5hrs free from work which I will get it claim on Friday instead. If my supervisor allows me to leave at 430 cos is TGIF.

My unlucky days don't stop here okay. Cos the events' schedule is packed till the end of November. Almost every week I have to run for an event. This sucks really.

Like what I've said in twitter if there is something that is keeping me going in the office would be nice and approachable colleagues.

Just get through October and November and I will be happier. I wanna claim my off days!!

Off to bath and paste on Salonpas and plasters.

Bye

I tried so hard and you fought so hard.

Week 2.

2010-10-01T23:25:00.003+08:00

17 more weeks to go.
Pretty demoralising figure.

And so this week of work is less of theory and more on practical. Got the chance to engage in hands on activity like preparation of props. Okay wait the storeroom is in a mess so imagine that I got to look for just a small item and had to ransack the whole lot of boxes. To add on, the storeroom is non ventilating I can just faint inside and not being discovered since no one actually goes up to level seven that often.
A big accomplishment would be that I've mastered the skill of spraying black paints on bottles, cigarette boxes and colourful balls that I painstakingly picked up one by one in the storeroom. (3 thrash bags worth of balls handpicked personally by your highness) Inhaling too much of the chemical within the spray is giving me dizzy spells and lowering my concentration level. I am serious when I am back to the office which is at level 6 (level 5 is props production department) I can't concentrate on completing my research.
I had fun cos I am finally doing something and no longer sitting inside the office figuring out ways to complete my proposal which my supervisor didn't really go through with me on how to craft out an official proposal.
This whole week I've been traveling around Singapore to meet up with clients, site inspection and buying logistics items. It feels good to be chauffeured around but it sucks if I end work later than 630.
Just today I went to Mustafa, Vivo city, sentosa (steal maps for amazing race on 9th oct) and collect interns' name cards. Yes they developed name cards for us. Guess today is the best out of the 14 days I spent in Vox.
I shouldn't ask for more as I got regular work hours as of now. (next week is crazy really.)
Sociable colleagues and bosses.
What more can I ask for?

Sigh but speaking of stress............
My supervisor is hard to comprehend.Just wanna shoot everything out here but then again he is not exactly bad just that your response must be fast enough to understand what he is actually mumbling. Patient enough to wait for him to give you his attention. Not easy not easy!
Trying very hard to catch up with him cos he doesn't teach you how to do. He directs you to complete your task. Lament terms = throw you a proposal brief and do out a proposal. If you don't understand ASK him.
I always find myself such an irritant BUT what can I do?
Stress me out big time. ):
If any of you really knows me well should know that I am an IT idiot. I don't have any IT fundamental nor design talent. So he got me to do out an invitation card for him??
Wanna cry so much cos I can seek help from no one! And he is too busy to even spare me a minute. Is not the problem with the design(it sucks cos the cover has a flowery border, the content also has a flowery border. IKR!) is the damn bloody printer. The settings and double pages thingy are driving me crazy.
Oh well is over what an eventful afternoon. I feel so guilty killing so many trees a day.
The best part is after settling everything I got the name wrong!!!

Forget it I am a jinx.

I should sleep early to prepare for school tmr.

HATE MY DAMN FUCK UP FINGERS AND MIND. JUST SHOOT ME NOW.

goodnight

16 more weeks.

2010-09-25T00:22:00.003+08:00

I was so depress just now that I broke down in front of Chiahow during our movie session.

Sigh I knew I chose the wrong company and the best part is I got no time to regret or mourn for the lost of freedom.
I was so angry just now when I was told that I have to be down at expo tmr for an event. A spoiler of all plans made since Wednesday and for all I know I am only looking forward to this Saturday. Not sure what next week gonna bring but this is my job and I should have no complaints.

I've cried too much since the start of internship cracking my brain and rearranging schedule to ensure that I have time for Chiahow and my friends. I know I am not typing coherently now cos my brain stopped functioning after the big crying session I had 1 hour ago.

Should stop here and have a hot shower and off to bed.
Note to self : no matter how difficult the situation is, always believe in myself that I will come up with better solutions that can help tackle the problems I am encountering.

Goodnight.

Internship day 3 week 1

2010-09-22T21:44:00.002+08:00

2 more days to my first weekend.

I don't care if I am gonna burn my weekend off when events start running cos I hope they can give me an extra off day on Chiahow's birthday.
Yesterday + today:
- Report for work at 930am today (yesterday was 815)
-Cabbed over to NTU and slept for 30mins on the cab
- Set up the booth and stoned there till the event ends
- Pack up and carried the laptops back to office
- One hour lunch break at NTU and Jurong point respectively
- Took bus back to office which sums up to a total of 2 hours being used up in the traveling process
- Slept on the bus
- Back to office at 6PM
- Assists colleague with dinner and dance proposal (using eye power)
- 630PM knock off and Chiahow is waiting for me at the bus stop.

Tomorrow I'll be doing the same thing except that I will be in the office and not running out for event's set up. Helping my colleague with Triumph dinner and dance cum 125th Anniversary proposal. (yes triumph is the bra brand)

I am bored I want to return back to school.
Ya right wait till Mid Oct arrives and I will be working my ass off like a busy bee ant. Won't even have time to update this blog. Sigh please please give me more alone time.

Take a look at my schedule for the coming months (just a draft cos company is still pitching for events which means that there will be more places to run and things to do)

9th Oct : NTUC income amazing race for NTU, SMU, NUS at Sentosa Palawan beach at 11am - 6pm
9th Oct: Same day but at night we have Wingtai Asia's dinner and dance at Swissotel

30th Oct: Wavehouse for Metta game welcoming dinner

28th Oct - 5 Nov : Metta game (not concerning my department but we need to help in executing this really big event that I think the whole Octopod Asia department is focusing on for the past few months)

3rd Dec: Dinner and dance (forgot which company)

I can't really remember is all recorded down in my office's laptop. I think Oct is really busy but I am kind of looking forward to Wingtai Asia's dinner and dance cos I think the dinner and dance refers to Topshop's anniversary!! I hope so la.
And I vaguely remember one of the supervisors mentioned that one of the events will be held at Conrad! Where Germaine and all is working it sucks to say this la but I miss having her irritating and pissing me off.
If you guys are wondering where the fuck is my office is just right in front of the new Manjusri's campus! -.-

I can barely breathe and don't even talk about meeting up with other friends when I don't even have time for my boyfriend. The both of us are like squeezing time out for each other. He send me to work every morning and we meet for like less than an hour? After work he will join me for dinner provided that I got no OT and I am back home by 10pm. During event days I got no idea what time will I end work and I can't really meet him for long. Didn't want him to meet me in the morning cos he has to rush back to school after sending me to work and I am like taking away his sleep time when he can just leave house 2 hours later and head to school straight away for his FYP.
Internship sucks but I am not going to allow myself to go all emo nemo over this. I am telling myself this the night before I turn in and during the morning when I am bathing. Just waiting for the time I get sick telling myself the same thing and that is it. I will fill this place up with all my negativity.
I miss working in InQbox, where freedom surrounds me.
Am so familiar with everything in the shop and instead of me asking people questions it's the other way round.
Someone who usually sleeps at 4 am in the morning is going to bed at 11pm and wakes up at 630am tmr. I want a better day.

Goodnight.

Believe in a better tomorrow.

2010-09-21T22:57:00.003+08:00

Start of internship = less time to blog = less time for myself = office hours.
When Pgqq was complaining to me about how much I'll miss school life I didnt want to believe so but the past two days totally proved her point. I want to get back to school and do projects with people I am comfortable with and not sitting inside the office not knowing how to and when to help. I feel like a crippled unable to do my part unlike within my own project group. I can voice out my opinions at any point of time.
The only part that makes me feel better is everyone in my course is undergoing this stage with me and I am not alone. My life might be monotone from 930 - 630 from Mon to Fri which most likely will stretch out all the way to 10pm during event days. At least Saturday/Sunday I get to spend it wisely with my fav boy and that is what matters the most to me now. He will be sending me to and off work for the next few weeks and after school starts we will meet after work and after class. I hope I don't have to run much events. Poor boy is gonna be hard on you but is only 17 weeks(refuse to count it as month) and no I am not going to complain anymore since this is what I chose and I should be proud of my own decision.
The people in the office are generally nice so I just have to do my own part well enough for my supervisor to give me good appraisal and allow me to pass my SIP.
Wish me goodluck people and all the best to everyone out there having internship. (:

Busy week.

2010-09-19T00:08:00.003+08:00

One week of hols just flew past and on Monday I am starting my internship. I cringe at the thought of having to work straight 8 hours at a place I am not the least familiar with. How is everything going to be like? What kind of task I have to complete? Who am I going to meet and what to wear to work. Sigh my life sucks x 1 (know i've been repeating this umpteen times)

I am broke again. Life sucks x 2 (not new anymore)

I tore a top I bought like less than a week ago and tore it the first time I wore it yesterday! Life sucks x 3 (Lucky ch got a new one for me today cos I intend to wear that on the first day of work BUT waste money -.-)

A lot more and by listing them down makes me more depress.

Yesterday night was a "after exams cum pre internship party" at powerhouse. And we got like one whole bottle of alcohol left and is sitting inside my drawer now carefully wrapped with plastic bag and hidden under a pile of newspapers. If my mum found it I am screwed.

You know I was overwhelmed with logical thoughts yesterday night after ph due to the influence of alcohol but now I can't remember what I wanna say.
So I think yesterday I was so determined to be an unhappy person FOR LIFE till one day I strike lottery which most prob will not happen cos I don't waste money to pick up such hobby.
I am sure money can buy me happiness I am superficial like that, cannot meh?
I WILL NOT try to be happy anymore cos with no expectation comes no disappointment.
Decided.

My twitter is flooded with all my anger posts really don't know what am I thinking. Should learn to curb this temper of mine. Easy said than done.

Pictures on Sunday goodnight. (think everyone is used to how i end every post abruptly)

(:

2010-09-16T16:54:00.001+08:00

You are back Choochiahow. Gonna miss you like mad if you are going to NS.
<3

Barrage.

2010-09-15T00:46:00.012+08:00

Fever got me lying in bed whole day and breaking out in sweat.
-

Nevertheless yesterday after my last paper I gave myself a LONG TERM break from studying for exams and headed down to Marina Barrage with my rc people.

Should give this picture some credit for it is taken with a 3.2 megapix phone camera cos yf camera's flash died on us.

This effect was achieved by having one person to hold on to the handphone's flashlight and another with the camera.

WE GOT A RAINBOW KITE A PITY WE COULDN'T GET A SNAPSHOT OF IT. ):

Know her since Primary school? Super horny and crazy girl.

My all time favourite lollipoppy.

-

Everyone should at least go down barrage once in their entire lifetime especially so at night. The scene at night is breathe taking and just look up to the sky you get to see many kites with LED lights attached to it flying across the horizon. Some pro even had LED lights on the string meaning to say as high as the kite flies the string attached to it is filled with many colourful pweetyyy mini LED lights. Super nice.
Our kite only had a small LED light which makes it not as attractive as the rest and it couldn't fly high enough cos we chose the cheap quality one. I chose it btw. Whenever I attempt to control the kite it gets lower and lower and I am afraid that my kite would cut other people's string and vice versa.

Is pure stupid to go during the day cos the sun will never show mercy. At night the wind is so strong that you will want to pitch a tent and stay there for a night.

Will end here and watch gossip girl S4 before I go to bed. Goodnight.

No boundaries.

2010-09-14T00:16:00.008+08:00

Hate how my life is progressing.

Can everyone just back off from my life if you wanna meddle with it don't do it halfway.
I had fun during the day but when night falls everything seems to be back to how it was the day before. Going through a night without having to worry and endless crying is like a hard earned reward given to me for enduring 1 mth of the same routine.

I quit life.

-

* Edited
Uh fuck wanted so much to make some changes to my blog and now photobucket is giving me some error code. And blogger is taking forever to load and save the changes. I shall leave it this way till tmr am so tired. Or maybe I can just leave it this way since a bigger picture makes the blog looks less dull?
I just realised that blogger actually has this stats thingy that you can track how many people actually read your blog daily, weekly and monthly. The funny thing is most people came over to my blog via blackdaffodils.lj.com. Jasmine Sun your influence uh god damn high please. Like total number of people coming over to my site this month linked from Jasmine's blog is like 139? Highest record for all my referring sites even beat the record of search engines - google

OVER

2010-09-13T12:45:00.003+08:00

Over everything over. I shall go sleep now cos I didn't sleep well last night I even dreamt of studying gaming when I am sleeping. Overly stress. But its okay cos IS O.V.E.R
Feels more shiok than end of O'level lor.

Anyway http://twitter.com/theleventhday I got a twitter account!

Goodnight.

2010-09-12T23:38:00.003+08:00

Feeling: crap.

Please don't wanna stay up tonight show some mercy gaming. )':

Hearts.

2010-09-11T23:46:00.004+08:00

Hate. to. study.

My Boyfriend won't be around for the next 2 days or so which makes me an independent girl 1991.
So anw the past four months were awesome though those annoying quarrels and heart wrenching hth talks can seriously piss me off big time but thank god for staying these four months.
For not running away from my unreasonableness, for tolerating my nonsense and for telling me that I am unreasonable, demanding and over sensitive. Don't really like to publicise my negative points on public platform but yea to show everyone what kind of girlfriend I am/was. We all learn and thanks for giving me this chance to see myself so clearly. Truth hurts but no point leading me on cos I am a self centred person. My world revolves around me and only me.
I suck I know don't remind me.
Sorry boy for everything today and I shall end it with a "is my fault". And when I say this I mean it.

Next up the list, Yunxi.
That woman my favourite girl my best friend my soul mate my listener my everything.
She has this supernatural ability to make me feel better each time I got too angry with chiahow or with the never ending school work. Just when I needed to rant she will ALWAYS be there for me. Thanks for standing on my side and psycho-ing me to let me know im not at fault but when deep down I know it best; is my fault. Stupid irritating assy white and brandwhore you are the best in the universe cos you will always be with me to scold whoever who makes me upset. Never once bail out on me when I needed help. Thanks for spoiling me and I love you deep deep x 7 zillions!

Okay I've said my piece and should be studying now.

DJ got us falling in love again.

2010-09-11T00:02:00.003+08:00

http://poeticheartache.tumblr.com

Don't we all HATE awkwardness?

Finally last paper on Monday and that is the last fucking paper for my entire poly life. You know it sucks on thursday when I experienced the brain frozen effect and I can't even construct my sentences properly. My fonts were reallllyyyy big and messy just pray that Joan Ho can figure out a way to interpret it. Shall sleep early on Sunday night so I have energy for Pulau Ubin trip! That is my ONLY motivation to last me through Monday.

I am back to the brokegirl1991 status when I just got my pay. Is time to start saving up and btw I think 3/4 of my pay is GONE. 380 mind you and I just received it on the 8th. Now you all know why am I always complaining about being broke. The problem lies with me and for every problem is always me (:

Okay time to crash I'll leave gaming to tmr. If I can squeeze DPD and and MICE into my brain I don't see any problem with gaming. And Vampdiaries season 2 is out.

xx

End.

2010-09-09T06:36:00.004+08:00

At 1130am today it officially marks the end of ....
My four consecutive days of memorising work and intensive writing. School overestimated students' brain capacity and what I got in return is screwed up body clock.
After exam I need to catch up badly with my bed for missing out on it for several days and not to mention internship is just the week after next. I promise to turn in as early as 10pm everything to ensure that I got sufficient energy to last me through the 8 hours of sitting inside office and rotting my day away. I hope I don't have to burn my weekends off. Another thing, the need for socialising is omfg important don't wanna be a loner but again how to choose? Since my fate is sealed the day I accepted VOX.
I refuse to even think about lunch breaks and movements within the office. If only I went Conrad for interview then I might end up at the front office with Germaine at least her stupidity can entertain me and no socialising required. Sigh my future is so bleak.

Okay back to re -revising MICE and no I didn't touch the first five lectures. At this point of time I really envy the ticketing students for early release of anxiety and excitement over the end of exam for their Poly life. Only at this point of time definitely not during the course of the semester where tests, crazy practical works and assignments drove them crazy. Gaming please be easy to study and I just wish to get over this period as soon as possible.

2 more.

2010-09-08T23:15:00.003+08:00

I am currently taking a break from MICE.
Past 3 days was insane. Studied till close to 4 am daily and wake up as early as possible to do last look through. How I wish my brain moves faster and I won't encounter much difficulties in memorising. Even thought of means to cheat when I am lying down on the bed at night.
The papers were alright so far which makes me feel that I waste so much time and effort studying for nothing. Cos this sem's exam is much lenient with more application questions and common sense. For example lodging today tested on Marina Bay Sands which is not include in the context of the lec notes but based on so many projects namely gaming, lodging article analysis and MICE I believe I have substantial knowledge on MBS to apply in the essay question tested.
Sigh but lesson learnt never underestimate any module cos the simplest might be the hardest to score. Lodging has the least to memorise but as compared to FnB and DPD it is the hardest paper.
The killer dpd didnt kill me afterall. That night was horrible. Fighting against the sleepy bug and stress of not being able to squeeze all points into my brain. The acronyms that I came up with actually do help but the scope of each topic is too extensive so much so that my brain went bonkers halfway through. Am not able to memorise anymore after DPD and I thank god for not testing on so much theory for lodging.
MICE will be another challenge for me. Just browse through the past sem paper and oh god it sucks to not being able to identify or apply all the lecs I just learnt. This proves that nothing much went into my brain. Demoralising much.
Congrats to ticketing students for the last paper tmr and fuck our lives gaming and calculus students we have to endure till Monday and finally able to burn all the notes. Uh that is if I got no supp paper. (:
Thanks lover boy for accompanying me to study and wasted so much money in Starbucks. And testing me after covering one lec. But you became an entertainment due to .......
Still love you manyxzzx.

Okay as I type this post, it wasted like 10 mins of the time which can help me to memorise one point of MICE. Lec 9, 10 and 11 is time to tackle you guys now.

xx

2010-09-07T01:33:00.001+08:00

Not bathed. Four more lectures to go. DPD at 930am today. Insufficient time. Brain cramp.

What a week.

2010-09-05T00:38:00.005+08:00

Updating this blog on a regular basis just so I can tell people how exasperated I am with the upcoming exams.
Big sigh.

Read my blog archive during the small interval breaks I gave myself after completing one lecture of MICE. The difference in me from December 31st till date. I remember telling myself that this year will be different for me cos I'll lead a better life and learn what is contentment. Among the many posts within the range highlighted above, I mentioned about self protection and how will that affect people around me. I feel that my maturity level is higher in the past.
Discipline and self control is all I need to get my life back on track. Stop thinking that the whole world is against me is time to let it go and look around for safety buoy that can pull me back to shore. Is hard isn't it? Is based more on a self comforting effect telling yourself that you are able to do so and that will be so. How many of you can achieve that?
I want no more temporary happiness, make it permanent for me.

Think people coming to this blog will go "not again".

No more sneezing stupid sensitive to notes nose. -.-

Preparing myself for a hard torture next week cos exam period is finally here. Goodnight happy and contented humans.

* EDITED
Can somebody just kill me. Fuck man me and my stubbornness can really fuck off and die together now. Is like wtf am I thinking man I knew I should should should just stay a.w.a.y from trouble. Now I cannot have a goodnight cos I will be lying in bed thinking and thinking and thinking. If thoughts can kill I would have been dead long ago.
Really born to be problem generated creating new problems for myself. Stupid brain.

Balance.

2010-09-04T01:19:00.008+08:00

Thanks boyfriend for today cos you are a major distraction and Imma failure in concentration. That explains the progress of lodging today. F

Fuck this shit man I hate how robotic my life is now. I don't like to lug my books to town having to worry about not having enough time and after every single crap lecture I feel so enormously drained and sleepy. Somebody just go burn down the damn school please.
This is the first ever semester I have to study for 5 papers who even cares about development of tourism infrastructure not like I am studying architecture now right. Even if I manage to squeeze everything into my small capacity brain now I will forget the very next day after studying for another module. -.-
Facebook will increase my stress level cos all htm-ers are talking about 47 lectures and how much they have studied which makes me feel that I am lagging behind. (the fact is I am)

Enough of complaining I am a procrastinator as well as a last minute worker so I shall heck LSO now and head to bed. If god decided to be kind to me and let me dream of what will be tested next week I will have one less problem of all the many problems.
Another thing I hate how itchy my fingers are to conveniently type and click and bring my mood down. FACEBOOK SHOULD JUST FUCKING CLOSE DOWN LA OKAY. Inferior complex acting up again. Tmd.

-

Maybe that's what happens when a tornado meets a volcano.
Except that I am both.

No, 444 posts

2010-09-03T02:29:00.002+08:00

Five papers are freaking me out can't imagine how I managed to survive through o'levels. I need to improve on my concentration level and stop drifting into my own world or allow myself to be trapped in my own fantasies. The thing about me is I imagine anything everywhere. Before I sleep, when I wake up in the morning, on the bus with my earphone plugged in, when I am studying and even walking on the street. That explains why I always complain about not having enough sleep cos I sort of combine my imaginations with my dreams and I have more than 3 dreams per night. Isn't that scary?

-

When night falls, when I am alone, when I closed my eyes I feel this unknowingly sharp pain piercing through my heart.

A futile attempt to struggle and break free makes me see that is me who is unwilling to "move on".
I knew that long ago. Trust me.

We should be responsible for our own actions, you accepted it, you should see this coming.
A warning/reminder I have to remind myself every morning.

Is even harder to breathe now.

Obsolescence.

2010-09-02T02:48:00.002+08:00

"People get stuck in moments. Hearts break and don’t fix easy. Love is nothing easy. It is not cheap. It is the greatest thing that happens on this planet, and so it comes priced as gold. One of my best friends used to sing the words “love is war”. There is the fight for holding on. And the fight for letting go. The hardest thing I have ever experienced is the learning which and when. But I still say it’s worth it, that love is real and possible. There are things worth fighting for, and love is at the top of the list."

"The easiest way to not get hurt is to not care. But that’s the hardest thing to do."

"She thinks she’s getting better but really, she’s just getting used to the pain."

Via: http://runawaytrain.tumblr.com

Treating blogger as my tumblr now cos I can't bear to shut this site down. Not yet...

Slaves.

2010-09-01T11:58:00.002+08:00

Having this mad craving for banana muffin.
Is a new month the church bell just rang and if is true like how Pgqq and Linxi always make a wish for each other when we were in Sec 3 I would also like to do so. Seeing you later woman it feels like we have not met for years!

Exams come fast and please end fast I had enough of memorising cos just F&B alone is capable of knocking me upside down. Don't even mention DPD. Anw studying session yesterday in school was a major failure sigh completed only 2 lectures. I should really start my intensive mugging session after this post. Yes decided!

Pulau Ubin and Marina Barrage trip with the RC people will be my motivation for lasting through the exam period. But it sucks to know that each time the people just got lesser. Things change people change and circumstances change don't try to hold on cos you know that you can't keep them for long. The days where we can just sit at MacDonald and talk for hours, walking aimlessly down the street, making a joke out of each other, sitting under the sky of beautiful stars, talk on the phone late at night, staying over at each other's crib, hanging out late till all the shopping malls are closed, singing to our heart content and reminiscing the good old past; gone as years went by. I'll hold it closely to my heart cos they are a group of awesome friends that accompanied me through years and years of secondary school life and taught me so much that simple words can never express how much I feel for them.

Sigh that emo bugs are so irritating. I swear if I ever manage to past this phase I'll eliminate ALL of youuuuuuuuu irritants.

For now just concentrate on the pile of notes laying mercilessly beside me. ):

Cos every hello ends with a goodbye.

2010-08-31T06:58:00.004+08:00

Via: http://poeticheartache.tumblr.com

We are all players in this cruel set of game; love.

-

Look at the time now, is only 7am and I am all energetic despite only having three hours of sleep.
Later mugging session in school better be useful and I can foresee that I will prolly fall asleep half way through. If only I am a computer able to key in all 47 lectures into the system and to retrieve the information on the day of my exam. And also to delete unhappy emotions, events, words and whatever you could think of in relation to being sad. Fat hope. ):
Town town later and I got my allowance already! Time for some retail therapy la. Oh no wait I need to save up for rainy days. I must have sufficient money to last me through September and no I don't wanna be broke at the end of the month. I want to have moneyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.
Cos money buys happiness and I would rather be poor in love than to be broke and got no money to comfort my lonely soul. $$ face. Totally.

I shall be a filial daughter and join my parents for breakfast.
Am craving for banana muffin!!!

The irony.

2010-08-31T00:57:00.001+08:00

If you can't be a pencil to draw me beautiful memories, at least be an eraser to erase off my pains.

2010-08-29T10:55:00.003+08:00

HATE HATE HATE TO BE BROKE!!! IS LIKE I ONLY HAVE 20 BUCKS LEFT FOR THIS MONTH. I SEE SO MANY PRETTY STUFF ONLINE AND EVERYWHERE. YES EVERYWHERE WHY IS IT THAT THEY SEEM TO BE WAVING THEIR HANDS AT ME LIKE AS IF WE ARE BIDDING FAREWELL I AM SO DEPRESS SO SO SO DEPRESS. WALAO I HATE TO BE BROKE IT SUCKS TO BE BROKE. IT SUCKS OKAY IT SUCKSSSSSSSSSSS!!!

I REALLY DON'T MIND IF SOMEONE CAN JUST GIVE ME 100 BUCKS NO WAIT LOAN ME 100 BUCKS I WILL RETURN YOU WHEN I START MY INTERN. YEA INTERNSHIP COS I DON'T THINK NEXT MTH PAY FROM INQBOX WILL COME ANYTIME SOON FURTHERMORE IS NOT EVEN ENOUGH FOR ME TO SURVIVE THE WHOLE MONTH OF SEPT. YES I AM LOWERING DOWN MY PRIDE. ):

Okay I just need to chill and stop stop stop going blog shops. I will wait for my bro to wake up and bug him to get me my advance birthday present this year. ): *cross fingers

2010-08-28T23:16:00.000+08:00

Fucking bias shit.

Day 11.

2010-08-28T00:52:00.004+08:00

Via: http://leilockheart.net

I love leilockheart. (Y)

I just need a break from everything that is draining every single cell in my body. Sad to say, everyday seems to be like a hard battle for me; trying to do what others expect from me. I am done with living under each and every one of your expectations.

However, the one that is hardest to live by would be the long list of expectations I've drawn out every day/month. How I wish I could stand firm with mine/xian yi's "life is beautiful, sky is still blue" theory.

Split personality/ moodswing = SHUYI (agree x 11111111111)
I can't force myself to be truly happy every single minute of the day even though I've set my mind to do so. Lack of determination is one point but how can you feign happiness when you are not the least close to being happy? I need to take off this pretentious mask once in awhile to be back who i really am.
Not saying that every day of life I am living in immense pain (that is suicidal) don't get it wrong.

Sick of being the bad guy in everyone's eyes.

No wait I am...

Tumblr speaks my mind.

2010-08-25T02:38:00.005+08:00

I love emo quotes. I love being emo. You can call me crazy cos you don't know what.is.life
Just admit it, we are all cowards cos we dare not face up to the cold hard truth that we are born this way and nothing could change our life. Nothing
If you are an optimistic person I hereby ban you from entering this site.
Don't tell me you can control life and all the brighten up my life words of wisdom. It does not work on me. Anymore.
Nothing happened so don't assume.
My life is somewhat close to perfect and would dare to say is so much better than many others.
Have you ever thought that being happy doesn't last forever and don't expect too much from it, you won't know when will be your downturn and who will have the last laugh. I would rather remain this way so when smth bad happens at least the pain would be lighter than the great fall you have to undergo when you are at the peak.
I know I won't be truly happy if I am going to persist on with this mindset but at least I am well geared up for the worst.
This is called self protection.

To hell with emotions.

2010-08-23T02:02:00.005+08:00

Via http://leilockheart.net

Via http://poeticheartache.tumblr.com

Eraser.

2010-08-18T22:30:00.002+08:00

I hate myself more.

2010-08-16T11:58:00.002+08:00

Procrastinator is me.
Told myself to complete lodging and dpd last week but FAILED. Progress so far? = 2 lecs of lodging and 2 lecs of dpd. I can't seem to study at home and i got work this week. Hate exams.

My internet connection sucks! I think Singtel cocked up I can't even load simple picture on Facebook and not to mention stream Gossip Girl. Fuck this.

White bridal gown.

2010-08-10T22:27:00.019+08:00

Candid! All ready to enjoy the last night with Fonny Setiawaty!
Come on meet my Inq colleagues!

Say Hi to Fonny! Been working with her since 1 year plus ago and she never fails to make me laugh and get me irritated by complaining non stop about the ....

Chuxian commonly known as Chu Chu.

My LOVELY BOY.

Jiahui Super Irritating Woman. But I really enjoy working with her though for merely few mths.

Credit: ChooChiaHow

She cried for the sketch book with all our blessings and t-shirt with our names written on it! But she didnt cry for the coach wrist-let!!

"Give way to shorties" - courtesy of Chengwai Lam.

Our family!!

I want a DSLR for my birthday this year! ): Possible? *hint hint

I've been uploading this space with a lot of pics lately and that is because till date I am enjoying myself to the fullest before the start of my nightmare internship.
Yesterday Chiahow and I got ourselves burnt under the scorching hot sun FOR THREE FREAKING HOURS before the commencement of the ceremony. I think the Denise emcee is sizzling hot i mean seriously I get to see her off stage cos she happens to be entering from my side of the backstage. She is friendly and fucking pretty. Speaking of inferior complex! ):
Will upload the pics tmr!

Tmr is 11Aug again! CH came over my place for dinner after our badminton session! My mum is angelic only when outsiders are around. ( He insists that I have to mention this on my blog, oh well)
Dear Pgqq, when are we meeting? I miss you! And i wanna visit little Colin again!

Goodnight.

POWER NIGHT.

2010-08-09T13:37:00.011+08:00

<3

Hai girl I hope your virgin trip to club was pleasant * exclude the part you are wasted!

(Looked shag as usual)

That night was crazily fun. (Y)
Guess I've polished up my drinking skills alr; impressively not drunk that night.
But got seek help from Chiahow. MAJOR FAILURE = ME.
Dance floor was super packed and CW managed to fish a "hotbabe", on the dance floor!

Yesterday night:
Accompanied CH to study
Makan Sutra for Fonny's farewell
"In search for taxi stand marathon".
(Pictures to be uploaded)

Today:
WAITING FOR CHOO CHOO TRAIN TO PICK ME UP AND WE ARE GOING TO NDP 2010.
No I am not wearing red. -.-

Zara Bootie

2010-08-06T23:10:00.003+08:00

Want it so badly, money fall from the sky can can can?
I don't care will rush down to Zara and get it on tues after I receive my pay. (Cross fingers)

Funny how you always see things you like when you are penniless and when you are financially stable the eyed on items seem to disappear. Start planning for rainy days people!

Resisting the urge to online shop cos I will most likely end up window shopping what a broke month. I hate July. ):

Parents not gonna be home the next two days and I have half of the house cos bro will be at home.
Tmr night BETTER be a blast cos we are heading down to powerhouse. Need to celebrate the end of sem 3.1 and my last semester in Temasek Polytechnic. Time flies.

Gossip girl naoz. <3

One hand, five fingers

2010-08-02T01:12:00.002+08:00

Went to bed at close to 12am and am awake at 1.13am.
I can't sleep guess I shouldnt even have taken the close to night time nap at around 730pm.
Since I can't sleep I'll watch 2 more epis of GG and see if that will knock me out.
Laptop is gonna explode soon. ):

I am going to the actual NDP parade ceremony on 9th of August!! Well, not a very good deal cos that silly boy actually purchased it. Come to think of it, if I am the one who got free tickets to the ceremony I will definitely sell it at a higher price. August MUST be a better month for me.

Was reading OSF's blog post about her ex few days back and now I think I am suffering from the same disorder as her commonly known as the BPD! Is scary to see myself fitting perfectly well into every symptoms mentioned. Excluding violence and self abusive ( THAT IS FOR SURE I AM NOT GOING TO ABUSE MYSELF NO MATTER HOW UPSET I AM).
Those symptoms that I can mostly relate to are, being reckless, over dramatic(?) - Not like I am not over dramatic in real life right? Speaking of hand gestures.
Anger and emotional come hand in hand when I am angry I will get emotional? Too vague description I know.
I feel like I am over-reacting again like how I thought I got leukemia and brain tumor blah blah, but is right to feel insecure right?

You people might think that I am going insane. Hellfucking yea I guess so.

If it lasts. Give me forever.

2010-07-28T23:22:00.002+08:00

Human beings are born selfish.
Mixture of feelings.

How hard is it to pretend that everything is so beautifully written and falls in the right place when your heart goes a different direction? When you feel like turning back but no one gonna stay by your side. You know the route back home was never easy to find.

The whole house is so hyped up over minor issues. Sometimes I think, maybe they don't even give a damn to my existence. (Or I am the one who is locking myself up forbidding people to enter?)

So sad. Too sad.

2010-07-28T00:40:00.002+08:00

Hmm so warning letter came!!
Dad was slightly cooler about it now but still ...
why is it that he doesn't understand that warning letter is not equal to the.end.of.school.life.for.me?
Just chill please parents CHILL. Stop nagging at me! Record breaker since 9pm nagged at me for like 2 hours? OH AND I WENT TO SCHOOL ON MONDAY WHEN THERE IS NO SCHOOL AND HE DIDNT GIVE ME ANY CREDIT FOR THAT?
Sad life.

I shall go practice my slides and watch three more epis of gossip girls. Scandalous ~
How uh? This post too short alr.
So I got to wake up at 630am later, wash up takes one hour cos I always bath in the morning.
Then prepare prepare prepare. Last step is dry my hair which will help to determine if I am gonna leave the house with good hair/bad hair day.
Then I will have presentation for 2 hours and 2 hours break and oh god THREE HOURS OF GAMING TUTORIAL. No no I will sleep early tonight. Should I bring shorts and slippers to change after presentation?

\

I need happy pills. Pls share

Is...... longer now.

Goodnight all!

idticlg.

2010-07-26T15:20:00.006+08:00

I feel so stupid.
Went to school at 9am only to find out that today got no MICE tutorial and I wasted my bus fare and precious sleep.

Got work now, I hate work fyi. I am gonna work for like 4 days this whole week and that sucks. I wanna find replacement to join the rest to celebrate Te yang's birthday on wed.
Hate to know that I am missing out all the fun.

"I am a 19 years old boy living in desperation for survival". Uhhhh whats the next line suddenly thought of Linxi ultra lame pick up line.

Okay bye I got to do presentation slides tonight and yes I am skipping school tmr! Wednesday last presentation in Temasek Poly! RML babies.

2010-07-25T02:17:00.003+08:00

Diaries do make things easier for me?
But am lazy to write. I do use my livejournal as my diary and private it. What is the point of having a blog but you choose to lock it right?

Now now I cant get to sleep, time to update my diary. ( Great influence of Vamp diary)

I don't expect anymore.

2010-07-24T20:36:00.003+08:00

I am at the last episode of Vamp diaries alr. I dont wanna finish it so fast so I shall go bath and blog hop first before I proceed on to complete the series. Aww Sadsadsad girl.

Suggest dramas please.

*Edited
So I finished it up before I go to bath. Now till the start of season 2 my life will be pretty mundane. No more Vamp Diaries anymore. ):